


Afterwards

by deathmarkedlove_archivist



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-01-29
Updated: 2007-01-29
Packaged: 2019-05-09 23:23:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 26,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14725572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathmarkedlove_archivist/pseuds/deathmarkedlove_archivist
Summary: After dying, Buffy is returned to a very different Sunnydale, 20 years in the future (a challenge response). R





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter 1  
> Summary: Response to a challenge. See the end of the last chapter for details of the challenge. Starts directly after Buffy does the swan dive off the platform into the portal in "The Gift".
> 
> Rating: R - I suppose? Nothing too bad. Nothing you wouldn't see on the show.
> 
> Disclaimers: I own nothing here except the parts that obviously aren't on the show.
> 
> Includes excerpts by e.e. cummings, Nietzsche, Dave Matthew's Band, and Bush.
> 
> Please send feedback, this is my first time "publishing" any of my writing. I'm hoping that I've got the formatting worked out, since I'm extremely net-illiterate.

being to timelessness as it's to time

love did no more begin than love will end

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Dawn ran behind Buffy to the end of the platform. She skidded to a stop at it's edge, watching helplessly as Buffy swan dived into the portal and quickly disappeared. "No! No, Buffy!" she screamed, her eyes huge and horrified.

Another dragon flew from the portal, followed by more lightening. The earth shook furiously, and with a loud crack, the tower tilted drunkenly to one side. "Buffy!" Dawn screamed into the portal. "Buffy, I don't know what to do!"

The portal grew larger, into an enormous whirlpool beneath her. On the streets below, people ran from the danger, being chased like frightened sheep by demons. Lightening hit several more buildings, narrowly missing hitting the tower.

"Oh God," Dawn whispered, staring at the madness. "It didn't work. Oh, Buffy, oh God. It was for nothing."

As consciousness came back to him, Spike looked up from where he fallen, broken, on the ground. He couldn't see Buffy anywhere. Had she fallen off when the tower broke? Not likely, given that Dawn had managed to hang on. But now Dawn was up there alone, and Buffy would never have left her. Not unless she'd had no other choice.

Wincing as he stood, Spike surveyed the chaos growing around him. Any other time, he might have paused to appreciate the terrible beauty of it. Any other time, but not when Buffy was missing and Dawn was in danger. He ran, painfully, to the base of the tower, cursing when he saw that it was on the verge of collapsing.

"Hang on, Nibblet. I'm coming. It's not quite the end of the world yet," he muttered, grabbing the closest ladder rung and pulling himself up. As he did so, another lightening bolt struck. The earth rolled. Spike lost his grip and landed, again, on his back. Looking up at Dawn, he moaned. "Not quite."

Dawn looked around her at the apocalypse. She knew, with a certainty that must have belonged to the ancient key rather than it's teenage embodiment, that her life was over. It was ending as it was suppose to. "This was my job, Buffy. Not yours. I was made for this," she said, and quietly took a long look at the world around her. Steeling herself, Dawn closed her eyes and without hesitation stepped off the platform.

She fell through the hot, blue light and felt nothing but it's warmth until a hard limb closed around her body as though she was a doll. Snapping open her eyes, Dawn shrieked in terror.

Spike watched helplessly as Dawn flew towards the portal. "Buffy!" he screamed, struggling to his feet. He saw that rather then entering the hole, Dawn merely fell through it, as though it wasn't there. The octopus creature that grabbed Dawn in one if it's eight enormous tentacles scared Spike more then any stake or sun ever could have. He had no weapons with which to fight it, and no strength. No Slayer to help him. Nothing left. Dawn was going to die, and Spike was going to fail because he had nothing.

Bright, flashing memories flooded him. Behind his swollen eyelids, he swiftly relived his second, secret moment of weakness as a vampire.

~~~~~ Spike passes by the doorway of the atrium, an unconscious Drusilla in his arms. He stops to watch as Buffy backs up, weaponless, against the wall. Angelus slowly advances on her, his sword in his hands. "God, he's gonna kill her," Spike says to himself. He shrugs and heads for his car, but pauses to look down at Drusilla's still face. "But still, I suppose I do owe her a debt, eh princess? Now that I've got you back and all." Turning around, he walks back to the atrium and peers into the door. Buffy is still against the wall, her eyes closed. Angelus stands before her, playing with his sword and toying with her.

"Now that's everything, huh? No weapons. No friends. No hope. Take all that away, and what's left?"

He draws the sword back and thrusts it at her face. Spike starts to call out to him, to distract him, but stops as he realizes what's about to happen.

Buffy snaps her eyes open and claps the blade of the sword between her palms, an inch away from her face. "Me," she says forcefully, and shoves the hilt of the sword into Angelus' face.~~~~~~~~~~

"Oh no you don't, you ugly bugger," Spike swore, limping towards them as fast as he could, his strength refortified. "I'm still here. Hey cutie! Over here!" The demon clicked it's beak and turned towards him "That's right, fish breath, come to Papa," he said, waving his arms wildly. "Come 'n get me, you ugly sod."

The demon dropped Dawn in mid-air, and picked up Spike, it's tight grasp breaking his ribs. He squeezed his eyes shut as he felt himself being turned upside down. "Buffy," he moaned, "I'm sorry." He knew that he was about to die. Fear rolled in his stomach, but he forced himself to focus. "Dawn, run!" he shouted, hoping she could hear him. "Find Buffy! Find the Scoobies!"

On the ground, Dawn could hear him but couldn't obey. Both of her legs had broken when the demon dropped her, as well as several of her ribs. She watched as the demon flipped Spike around and around. "It's okay," she said to herself, "There's only three ways a vampire can die. A stake, a fire, or--- Spike!" she screamed as the demon took Spike's head in it's beak. "No! Oh, God!"

Watching the demon eat Spike was more then Dawn could bear. She curled herself into a ball, and blocked out the world around her in favor of happy memories. Her mom, Buffy and herself in pre-Slayer days, having a girl's night out at the movies. Watching Puffy Xander getting pounded on by Buffy. Her own bedroom, and her warm, safe bed. She barely felt the demon take her in it's grasp, and never knew that she was to meet the same fate Spike had.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Death is young

life wears velour trousers

life totters, life had a beard".

But I think I see someone else

There is a lady, whose name is Afterwards

She is sitting beside a young death, is slender;

1 Likes flowers

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

"So you see, Warrior, what you have left behind."

Buffy stared into the cauldron of water, horror-struck by what she'd seen there. She'd been so positive that jumping into the portal was the answer. Death is my gift, she thought bitterly, but apparently it's not a big enough one.

She looked at the Woman who stood before her. "And you are?"

"A Power. One of the Powers That Be. I'm new," the Woman said, blushing slightly. "Or young. However you want to see it. My job is to greet the Warriors who cross over. But you, Slayer, your case is a bit unusual."

"How so?" Buffy whispered, dipping her fingertips into the water. Willow, Xander, Anya, all dead. Dawn, dead. Spike dead, dying for Dawn, dying for her, for the promise she'd asked of him. He deserved so much better. He'd kept his promise, and she'd failed him. "Oh God," Buffy said, grief gripping her. Tara, dead. And Giles, poor Giles, all alone, having to watch as everyone one he had loved and guided died.

"Hush yourself, Warrior, and listen. Listen! Death is your gift, we told you that once before," the Woman said, grabbing Buffy's hand from the water. "I've convinced the older Powers to give you another chance. You can take your gift back, if you want to. But, you'd have to pay a price for it."

Looking numbly at the blank water, Buffy nodded. "I'll give anything to take it back. You came to me in my vision, told me to give the gift in the first place. Why'd you tell me to do this if you knew what would happen? Was that world suppose to end? Was that my destiny? To fail?"

"No, not your destiny. This isn't about you as much as it is about the Other. The Key. She was meant to stop the world from ending, with her blood. Your blood wasn't good enough. She is pure. You are not. You should have known that, Warrior. You should have known that she was not given to you forever."

Buffy closed her eyes, shutting out the pain. "Dawn. But how could you have asked me to do that? To let her die, without even trying to do what I did? How could you have thought that I would just sit by and let her jump? No. You don't know me at all."

"Know you?" The Woman laughed. "We know you, Warrior. We made you. We took Buffy Summers, the child, and poured the ancient soul of the Slayer into her body, entwined it with her own. You did our work, and lived by our whim. You are here because we caused you to be. And we have decided to give you another chance."

Buffy stared at the Woman, her eyes flashing with barely restrained anger. "Okay. Fine. Just send me back. I don't care what it costs me. Just send me back."

The Woman held out her long, white hand. On her palm laid a round Orb. "You know what this is, Warrior."

Shuddering slightly, Buffy nodded. "An Orb of Thesulah. Willow used one to restore Angel's soul. Never thought I'd deal with one of them again. No happy memories there."

"Kiss it," the Woman said, "and I will send you back to Earth. Give us your soul, to bind you here permanently. You were our tool as a mortal. We wish your services for eternity. This is the cost of your second chance."

Without hesitation, Buffy grabbed the Woman's wrist and brought her lips to the Orb. She smiled at Buffy and dropped the Orb into the water, which began to spiral like a whirlpool as the Orb dissolved. Like the portal. Buffy stared into the water, drawn to it against her will. Hot pain seared through her mind, and she collapsed into oblivion.

1.1.1.1

1.1.1.2

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Where is my head, where are my bones?

Why are my days so far from home?

Where is my head? Where are my bones?

Can you save me from myself, can you save me from myself?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

Spike dropped wearily onto the bar stool. "A drink, mate. And none of that watered down crap," he snapped at the barkeeper.

Junior quickly poured Spike's drink and slid it to him across the bar. "No charge," he said quietly, "You know that your money's no good here."

Spike ignored him and tossed the shot down quickly. "Another," he said, his face unreadable.

"Uhmm--- sure, certainly," Junior said, pouring the drink. "Busy night, I gather?"

"Same old, bloody thing. Stop the demon, kill the demon, save the human, get paid. Then over again. Damn cycle's going to kill me someday. It never ends, does it?" Spike swallowed the bitter liquid. "This stuff is awful. If killing demons doesn't do me in, this bloody poison will."

Junior backed away a step. "Gee, Spike, have a care. The other customers don't need to hear that sort of negativity, you know."

"Negative?" Spike slapped the counter, gestured to the bottle of rum. "That stuff kills me, you can be sure I'll be thanking it in hell. Be nice to get off this bloody dimension. Nothing here but---" Spike broke off, visions of Buffy flashing behind his eyelids. "But nothing," he finished bitterly.

Junior eyed the vampire carefully. "Spike, maybe you should leave town for a while? Take a vacation? I've heard that Nepal is still safe. Not too many demons at that altitude, you know. Do some skiing, maybe, or just relax and take it easy. Get your mind off of things here at the Hellmouth."

Spike shook his head slowly, his eyes fixed on the small charm he held in his hand. "No good, mate," he slurred, relieved to be drunk. "I made a promise. It's different now, but I'll still keep it. Always gotta keep that promise. To the end of the world, right? And look outside, Junior. The world's still out there, isn't it?"

Junior glared at the door to the outside furiously. "I wouldn't know, Spike. Not safe for humans out of doors. You know that. Why else would I work here?"

Spike dropped his head onto the bar, and closed his eyes. "Nope. Not safe anywhere. It's a demon's world now."

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When you're not here it's hard to pretend

It's all alright again

When you're not here love, it's hard to pretend

1.2 It's all alright


	2. Chapter 2

Buffy was cold. Her whole body hurt, and the ground beneath her smelled of urine and blood. For what seemed like an eternity, that was all she knew. Slowly, she became aware of her surroundings. The mansion. Angel's mansion, but colder and darker then she remembered it. The cold was what disoriented her most. Southern California rarely was cold enough for snow to fall, yet dustings of snow had blown inside through the broken windows. Angel would have had a fire going, Buffy thought, remembering gradually that he lived in L.A. now. It was too dark for it to be day, yet the sky bore a light gray tint, unlike any night she'd ever known. What had happened to her? Why was she in Angel's mansion? And--- and why was she naked?

Wrapping herself in a filthy blanket, she left the mansion and walked slowly through the cemetery towards her house. The streets were empty of humans and demons alike. Looking up, she noticed that there were no stars, no moon, in the sky. The odd color of gray that dimly light the night reminded Buffy of corpses and vamp dust.

"This," Buffy said, "has got to be a dream. Giles and Spike should be by any minute, wearing tweed and swinging like little boys. Cheese Guy? Where are you?" But she knew instinctively that it was no dream. This was reality. And it was way too creepy, even for the Hellmouth. She should be seeing people, cars, but there was nothing, not even a squirrel.

A rusty, double-decker bus sped up the street and squealed to a stop beside her. A blackened window was quickly rolled down to reveal a girl who looked just like Dawn. "Get in!" she said quietly to Buffy, her eyes darting around fearfully. "Hurry!"

Buffy stared at her in confusion. "What? Did Giles send you? And what's with the fun-bus?"

A look of baffled relief passed over the girl's face, and she called over her shoulder into the back of the van. "Ripper? This girl knows you. Why don't you take your shift now?"

"Julie, I drove only an hour ago. I've not slept since Thursday. If I crash this bus, we'll all be sitting ducks for any vamp or---"

"Giles!" Buffy called, opening the driver's door and peeking around the girl. "What the hell is going on?"

Giles stared at Buffy, his mouth and eyes wide open. He didn't move. He couldn't speak. Thinking was out of the question.

"Giles?" Buffy asked, "Giles, you're scaring me. What's happening? Who is this girl? And why did she call you Ripper?"

Forcing himself back to life, Giles removed his glasses and wiping them habitually. He shook his head with disbelief. "Oh God, Buffy. You--- it's really you?"

"Uhm--- yes? 100% Buffy here. What's wrong with you? Did Glory--- what did she do? Did she brain suck you?" Buffy asked, and grabbed Julie's arm. "Was he brain sucked?"

"No!" Giles said, "No, not Glory. I'm--- my brain's fine." He grabbed Buffy by her shoulders, and examined her before pulling her into a hug. "And you, Buffy. You're fine too. Where on Earth have you been?"

Her head was buried in Giles' neck, and she let herself close her eyes and rest a moment there. 'Where on Earth have you been, Buffy' she thought. Then the images flooded her mind: beating Glory, jumping into the portal, watching in the strange, blue water with the Woman as Dawn jumped futilely from the tower, Spike died heroically, and Giles looked on as his world ended. She remembered selling her soul to buy back her gift, remembered kissing the Orb and watching as it dissolved into the water. She gasped, and clung to Giles as she remembered returning to life.

"Giles. Oh God. Not on Earth. I think- I think I was dead."

~~~~~~~~~

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Loving is the only sure road

Out of darkness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"Drink this, Buffy. It'll warm you," Giles said, folding Buffy's hands around a cup of tea. She took it gratefully and sank back against the futon that was folded into a chair in the far corner of the bar. Looking around at the seedy place, Buffy couldn't understand why Giles had brought her here. She'd asked him to take her home, but he'd refused without explanation.

"Where's Dawn?" Buffy asked quietly. The Woman had returned her to life, had let her take her gift back. That meant Dawn would still be alive, and the Scoobies too. "Willow? Xander?"

Giles flinched, and removed his glasses silently before shaking his head once. No.

A thrill of fear pulsed through her. "Anya? Tara?" Giles only shook his head again. Her mind whirling with disbelief. "Spike?" she whispered, closing her eyes. Sleep, she thought. If I fall asleep, I'll stop feeling this awful pain.

Giles brightened slightly. "Spike is alive- well, that is to say, Spike is still around," he said, but Buffy was already asleep.

Dear God, Giles thought, tucking a blanket around Buffy snugly. Now what? How could he even begin to explain to her that the only people she'd loved who were still alive were. . . well, there was only him. And Spike. The irony never failed to make Giles nauseated. Buffy wouldn't mind too much, Giles remembered, she'd become friends with Spike in the weeks before her--- her death. But that'd been more then twenty years ago. She'd come back thinking that she could still save Dawn, having no idea that the Powers had brought her into the future rather then the past. The disappointment, the disorientation, would be terrible. Perhaps. perhaps the shock would even take her away from him again. And away from the world, which needed her more now then it ever had before.

"Pull yourself together, man," Giles muttered to himself. "Think! How to help Buffy, how to help---"

He smacked himself in the forehead sharply. "Of course. Familiarity." He stood and walked into the main part of the bar. Spike sat on his usual bar stool, passed out over the counter. Julie stood beside him, eying his half finished drink with curiosity. "Julie! Go get the bus, and bring it around front. When Buffy wakes up, she's going home."

Giles walked over to Spike and briskly pushed him to the floor. Spike didn't wake, but began to snore. Reaching for a pitcher behind the bar, Giles began filling it with water. He tossed it on Spike, ignoring the vampire's shout of anger. "Wake up Spike. There's--- news."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Then you come swimming into view

And I'm hanging on your words like I always used to do

The words they use so lightly, I only feel for you

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"Bloody amazing," Spike said softly, standing with Giles over Buffy's sleeping form. "She's back, then."

"It appears so, yes. I could scarcely believe it myself when I saw her."

Spike angled himself away from Giles; Buffy was all he could see. Her golden hair- God, how he'd wanted to touch her hair!- her elegant nose, her small forehead- her, for the first time in so long. Emotions battled within him. This was not how he'd thought her homecoming would begin. No, not even close. A tame entrance back into his life was out of character for Buffy. She'd always been more of a 'burst through a door and scare the hell out of him' kinda girl. But still---

"She's the same as before, Giles. She's exactly the same. How is that even possible?" Spike asked, the quaver in his voice betrayed his wooden face.

"Well, Spike, I'm pretty much the same too, you know, outwardly at least," Giles said mildly, watching the vampire as he sat beside Buffy. "Appearances, as they say, are often deceiving."

"Yah, I suppose you're still 'pretty much the same', mate. For a vampire! Didn't she notice that you're not mortal?" Spike spoke quietly, his eyes never leaving Buffy's face. The same graceful bones, the same skin- everything about her called to Spike, sang to him. He felt awake again, for the first time in two decades. A heartbeat of time, to an immortal. But so much longer then any of the decades he'd lived through before she'd left.

Died. Before she'd died, he corrected himself. How odd, to be grateful that she'd only been dead. No Slayer had ever been called to take Buffy's place, so Spike had never known if she was truly dead, or if she'd simply abandoned them all. Believing her to be that inhuman was impossible for him, but it was hard to understand what exactly had occurred. He'd never been able to remember when it had been that he'd seen her last. The pain of that day caused him to remember very, very little. One minute, he'd been falling from the tower, having failed to keep his promise. The next thing he knew, he was crawling out of the approaching sunlight, his body broken and his mind confused. But it wasn't really sunlight, he remembered, it was light from the Hellmouth. He'd never seen sunlight again, not since that day.

He wandered around town for days, hoping to find anyone alive. Finding Buffy had been his main goal, of course, but after a few weeks he would have been glad to find any of them, even the whelp. He never had given up, though many times he'd wanted to. Years passed before he'd come across Giles. Spike shuddered, remembering the state the Watcher had been in. It was hard to figure, a Watcher turned into the very demon he'd fought against. Not that it had never happened before, just that the Watchers were usually staked right away by their Slayer, or by the Council if she was dead as well. Spike had been prepared to stake Giles when he'd found him, but he'd been amazed to find that Giles had cast a spell on himself- he'd regained his soul without help, a possibility Spike had never heard of before.

Spike, however, was still among the soulless. Fighting to protect Buffy's town, Buffy's home, and Buffy's Watcher was much easier when he could still go undercover from time to time. And so, he lived each day with the single minded mission of holding her place in life until she could come back for it. After a few years, he realized that he'd begun to consider Buffy's town his town, her home his home. Perhaps calling her Watcher his would be a bit of a stretch, but not much of one.

Spike lightly touched Buffy's hair where it spilled over the edge of the futon, "The Slayer's back now," he said. his voice gritty with emotion. Tears fell down his face unchecked. She was back. She was back, and he could feel again, after so long of feeling nothing but coldness.

Behind Spike's back, Giles nodded. "And it's a good thing. We need her. Shall we wake her, you think?"

Wiping his face, Spike shook his head. "She should sleep while she can. You know she'll need all her strength soon enough."

"I'm awake, guys," Buffy said, opening her eyes and stretching. "You are the loudest talkers, the both of you. I don't remember that before. Well, maybe you Spike. Not loud words, just a lot of them. And usually annoying."

Buffy looked at Spike's stunned expression, noting the dampness lingering on his cheeks. "Hey," she said, "What's up with you? No snappy come-back?"

Spike stared at her silently, his eyes icy and intense as they bore into her own. "No," he said stiffly. "No. Snappy. Come-back."

Giles rushed forward and sat beside her. "Buffy--- things are--- well, things are different now. There's much I need to tell you."

Buffy frowned at Giles. "What," she asked bluntly.

"Well--- umm--- ah---" Giles fumbled with his glasses, "It's just that it's a--- complex matter--- of great seriousness, and--- you've been through so much, you might like to rest up a bit more--- and I ahh---".

"Everyone's dead," Spike interrupted, his voice hard.

Buffy gazed at him stoically. "I know that much."

"No," Spike said with impatience, "Everyone is dead. Including Watcher-boy there. Giles is a vampire. But, no worries. You love vamps like him."

"I've got a soul, Buffy, it's alright," Giles broke in, smiling reassuringly.

Buffy gaped at him. "Uh-huh?" she said, her eyes huge.

"Little sis is dead, Slayer. The Wiccas, the whelp, demon girl. they're all dead. I'm still as dead as I was, no more or less. All those humans you knew in LA are dead, too. This bar is the headquarters for the new Council of Watchers, of which there are exactly two members, and you're looking at them. Oh, and we have Julie, but she's more of a pain in the ass then a member. The Watchers were some of the first mortals taken down after the Hellmouth--- well, you know about the Hellmouth. It opened, and it let out some of the more powerful hell Gods. They liked to target any mortals who tried to stop them. Not a big loss there, the Councilmen were right wankers."

"Anyhow," Spike took a deep breath and dove back in, "It's also been twenty years and seven months since you died. Twenty years, seven months, four days, and," he checked his watch, "somewhere around an hour and a half."

Her face frozen in shock, Buffy nodded dumbly. "Uh-huh," she repeated, covering her eyes with her shaking hands. "Oh God." Suddenly full of nervous energy, she jumped up and began to pace. "Everyone's dead," she whispered, then shook herself out of grief briskly. There would be time for that later. "Giles is a vamp."

"With a soul," Giles added helpfully, watching her.

"With a soul," Buffy said. "The Council members are all dead. The Council of Watchers now works out of a bar and consists of two vampires. And a kid."

"Oh, Julie's part demon too," Spike countered, "Not a vamp, though."

"Ah ha. Two vamps and a half breed kid," Buffy said slowly, her mind spinning. "And it's been more then twenty years? How is that even possible? The Woman--- the Powers--- I paid for a second chance! They cheated me! I was suppose to stop all this from happening!"

Spike crossed the room to her in three, swift steps. "Here, love, sit down," he said softly, leading her to the futon and sitting beside her. Buffy stared straight ahead, trying to make sense of what had happened. Her body shivered furiously, and Spike wrapped his arms around her. She leaned into his solidness with blind gratitude. He still wore his duster. And, she noticed, he still smelled of tobacco and alcohol.

"Listen, Slayer," he paused, enjoying the sound of the word he'd not heard spoken in decades. "Slayer. Look, I don't know anything about these Powers, or any Woman, or what have you. I'm sorry things didn't go as you thought that they would. You--- you must know, I couldn't kept my promise. That one, that bloody promise I made to you the night you--- the night you died. I did the best I could, and I failed. Nibblet died. She jumped into that bloody portal, and never came out. And it closed. If the chance you bought back caused the portal to close, then you succeeded. The day was saved, once again. Only this time, it cost us two Summer's women. And then, everyone else was gone too. The Hellmouth opened the next day, and---" he broke off, struggling to keep the memories of those early days without her at bay.

Buffy looked up at his face. "Hell on Earth. Literally."

"Right. I looked everywhere for Red, Harris, for anyone you'd known, really. Back then, I thought you were still alive." He paused, the memories hurting him. "I looked for you everywhere, Slayer. Searched SunnyHell up one side and down the other. Went to LA, sought out Angel, tried to find your Da--- you see, no other Slayer was ever called. I couldn't believe that you'd just up and leave your post, even if all your friends were dead. You--- you're better then that. I knew that something beyond your control must have been keeping you away. The possibility of your death. it made the most sense. But if you'd died, there would have been a new Slayer."

"Spike and I've been wondering what really happened for decades, Buffy," Giles said, grasping her hand gently. "We've worried for you and waited for you. And we need you, not only as Buffy, but as the Slayer. An open Hellmouth is not the end the world, but it certainly doesn't make it a very good place to live, either. We need you. Are you with us?"

Buffy shut her eyes and nodded, then reeled dizzily against Spike. He hugged her against his chest to steady her. She was as filthy as she'd been the day she'd died- they'd been on the run from Glory, with little time to shower - but Spike purposely inhaled her scent. Blood, dirt, sweat--- and Buffy. She smelled exactly the same. Instinctively, his arms tightened around her. She was back, and he had a second chance.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So: we are fairly met, grave friend-

The meeting of two wounds in man.


	3. Chapter 3

A total stranger one black day

Knocked living the hell out of me-

Who found forgiveness hard because

My(as it happened)self he was

-but now that fiend and I are such

immortal friends the other's each

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spike and Buffy stood silently in front of her old house. It looked---

"The same as when I left," Buffy said, darting a glace at Spike. "Did you-- -?"

"Yeah, I took over here after you left. Didn't want it to get looted and burned like a lot of the other places did." He unlocked the door and stepped carefully over the holy water booby trap. "Lots of demons wanted to take it over- you know, the whole 'Slayer's lair' appeal. But I kept it the same, for you. Knew you'd be back someday."

"What if I was dead?" Buffy asked, "Or, if I'd stayed dead, that is. If you'd known for sure where I was, what had happened."

Spike darted a quick smile at her. "I always knew you'd be back, love. Someday. Somehow."

She walked into her house and flipped on a light switch. Nothing happened.

"The electricity's been off for years, Slayer. No human's safe at work these days. And no demon cares enough to fix it. We can rig it up for you, if you'd like. Julie is great at wires and tools and such. She's not really as young as she seems- demons tend to age differently, even halfbreeds. She could have this place humming for you in no time."

"What I'd really like," Buffy said, smiling slightly, "to take a shower. That is, if the water's still on. And if shampoo still exists."

"Course it does, Slayer. It's right where you left it," Spike said, opening the bathroom door and pointing to the shelf. "That, and everything else."

Buffy surveyed the jumble of makeup on the countertop, the clean towels folded on the hanger. She fingered her hair brush and, noting the strands of her hair that still tangled around the bristles, turned to Spike, who stood in the doorway watching her with his head slightly tilted.

"You really did know I would be back, didn't you?" she said, looking into his eyes for the truth.

Spike smiled simply. "Yes. I knew. Not always, you understand, and not every day. Time passes quickly for a vampire, but those hard days were-- - well, hard. And long. On those days, I'd spend most of my time here, just to feel normal again. Sometimes I'd wonder if I'd gone batty, leaving all your junk around. I mean, you should smell the kitchen!"

Buffy wrinkled her nose in disgust, and Spike laughed. "No, not really. But all your clothes, your stuffed pig, everything else that wouldn't go bad or stink. I replaced some stuff too- knew you'd want your shampoo. And your mum's stuff too, and--- and the Nibblet's. It's all here. I couldn't save the people you knew, but I could make bloody sure that you'd know your own home when you returned to it."

"How'd you know, Spike?" Buffy asked, touching his sleeve gently.

He looked at her contemplatively for a moment, then moved away and turned on the shower. "Towels are there, Slayer, and soap and all the rest. I'll give you some privacy."

"Spike," Buffy said insistently, holding him in the tiny room with her grip on his wrist.

"It was the dreams, alright? You were alive in my dreams," he said, the words rushing out of him. "Every day, I'd dream that you were talking to me. You say things you'd never have told me in person- like, that it was okay that I missed you so much, that I ached for you just like- no, more then that big bloody poofter ever had. Telling me how things could be different, how they were not suppose to be so dark, so hard, so violent. You tell me, Buffy, how a vampire could find comfort in dreams of the Slayer telling him the violence will go away. I don't know. I'm not the man you knew. This is not the world you knew. I wish you'd kept your sodding gift. You should've given the bloody Powers the finger, told them you were staying dead and in Heaven, happy and safe and at peace. You deserved that. This- you don't deserve this. Everyone you love- dead. Two vamps your only company. The world to save, again. And probably again after that! No Scoobies to laugh with you, no kid sis to annoy you---" His voice broke, his face darkened, and he cleared his throat. "No kid sis at all. And why? Well. For a scrawny fellow, that Doc sure sent me for a ride. Glad you couldn't see the look on Dawn's face when he tossed me. It was--- something I'll always carry with me."

Buffy watched him carefully. Pain flickered in his eyes as he tormented himself over things neither of them could change. They had both failed, and both were blameless, though she seemed to be the only one who wasn't punishing herself over the past. A pang of loss shook Buffy as she realized the truth of Spike's words. The vamp she'd known was a 'roll with the punches' sort of creature. For a member of the undead, he'd had a greater love of life then anyone else she'd ever known. Guilt wasn't a strange emotion to Buffy: she knew it when she saw it. And Spike- the new Spike- virtually embodied it.

"Spike---" she broke off, uncertain of what to say, how to ease him. She saw he was biting the insides of his mouth, viciously forcing back tears. His face began to change repeatedly: vamp and back, vamp and back, over and over until he was almost a featureless blur. She grabbed him, her palms on either side of his face. "Stop it! You'll hurt yourself!" she shouted, and he stopped, looking at her like she was an idiot. Of course, his look said. That was the point. If redemption comes from pain, he'd set himself afire. She didn't move away, only stared at him. Finally, she brushed a light kiss over his lips and released him. Turning away from him, she picked up a shampoo bottle and placed it in the shower.

When she faced him again, he was ready for her. He ran his hands reverently over her hair, his eyes never leaving her own. "Buffy."

She covered his hands with hers, and slowly walked him out of the bathroom. "You're not the man I knew," she whispered, and watched as his face fell. "But I think you're the man I want to know."

~~~~~~~

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One must still have chaos in oneself

to be able to give birth to a dancing star.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The old Sunnydale High School library had never looked so alive. Demons coming and going from the Hellmouth stood in lines, having their passports checked. The stairs leading up from the Hellmouth were packed with demons of various descriptions, and in the far corner, an ambitious creature named Buello poured drinks and gave directions to the newly arrived.

"The town's open, folks, but pretty empty as far as humans go. You can still find the occasional survivalist or hermit, but most people ran when the Mouth first opened. Heading to LA's a fine choice, but it's overcrowded, and housing's hard to find. Plenty of food though, what with the factories and all. The frontier's to the east. That's where I'd go if I was young and evil. Find yourself a nice, country town to settle down in, you'd be the head honcho, with your own land! Or, head north. It's mostly settled, but you could always find a Master in need of a new minion or two."

Buello paused to pull a handkerchief from his pocket, and wiped the sweat from his brow. "I hate this job," he muttered to himself. "Hottest job in America. Literally."

Feeling a tug on the back of his suit, he turned to find Julie standing in front of him, fidgeting nervously. "Hey Dad," she said, flashing her dimples at him.

"Jules! Hey there girly. Where've you been? I've been looking for you all day!"

The girl pulled him back into the shadows, watching the unruly crowd nervously. "It's okay for me to be here, right? I mean, they're not gonna notice me?"

"Hey, hey, sweetheart," Buello said, soothing her, "You know they can't see you if you don't want them to. Remember? Good genetics on behalf of your father's side of the family. Lucky for you, you got your looks from your mama. Green skin's well and good for someone living the demon life, but you're made for better things, baby."

Julie rolled her eyes. "Yeah Dad, you've told me. And told me."

"How're things with the Undead Duo? Still fighting the good fight?"

"You send 'em, we kill 'em. You know, the same old thing. 'Cept, something happened yesterday. A miracle, I guess. The Slayer's back," Julie said.

"The Slayer! That whole line of girls died out, 'bout twenty years back. The last one ran off after her sister died closing the energy portal."

"Well, she's back now. And she didn't run off before, she died. Saved the world from the portal by---" Julie paused, trying to remember what Giles had told her, "Taking her gift back. So, I think that means it's time, don't you?"

Buello stared at his daughter, considering. "Hmph. Well, yeah, I guess it does. You're sure you want this? I mean, the Hellmouth does pay the bills, baby. Clothes on your back, blood in your belly, you know?"

"Daa-ad, I don't drink blood. And we can make money some other way, a way that doesn't involve Hell. Okay? C'mon, Dad. You promised."

"I know, I know. Just making sure you know what you're asking for. Closing the Hellmouth will put you and I out on the street."

Julie shook her head. "No Dad, I told you. Ripper- er- Mr. Giles will let us stay at HQ, let you work for him. You can still make drinks for demons, just. tame demons."

Buello raised his eyebrows. "Tame demons? There is such a thing?"

"Of course!" Julie grinned. "Don't I work for two of them? And the Slayer, she has to be a demon. At least, I think she does. She hasn't got a soul anymore."

Buello's face froze. "A Slayer--- with no soul--- Julie, do you know what that means?" He pulled out of the shadows and through the masses of demons to the exit. "A child of light--- shall take the gift--- buy it back--- give her soul---".

"What are you mumbling?" Julie asked as he pulled her down the hallway and into their apartment. It had once been the high school's kitchen, but food and lodging came with any job on the Hellmouth.

Opening the top drawer of his desk, Buello pulled out a dusty volume of translated scrolls. He flipped it open, and handed it to her after finding the right page. "Keeping my promise, Baby," he said,

Julie's eyes widened as she read the prophesy. "I've got to get this to the Council."


	4. Chapter 4

The child of light, cloaked in red

With hands for death and eyes unread

Shall take the gift and buy it back,

And give her soul for one who lacks

When the water turns and the new blood burns

The wall from night to day will raze,

And the bridge that rises in its place

Shall be consecrated in blue and black and crimson

And the first soul-mates will be born

At the price of the world

Giles slapped the book of prophecy shut and frowned at Spike, who nodded his head affirmatively, then wearily flipped through the pages and read the paragraph again. Julie walked behind them and sat on the futon, watching the vampires carefully as they examined the prophecy.

"It's her," Giles said. "But I'm not sure I understand." He opened the book and read, "Child of light, cloaked in red, with hands of death- that tells us this refers to the Slayer. Eyes unread- well, Buffy's always kept her secrets."

"Not exactly an open book, is she?" Spike said. "Okay, so she did buy back the gift, with her soul. But she didn't say anything about giving it to anyone, just that the Woman put it in the Orb, and then into the water."

"And what about the rest of it? 'The wall from night to day' --- well, that's already been razed. The bridge. I suppose that's the Hellmouth? This is telling us that something will happen over the Hellmouth. I think. Bloody Powers. You'd think that if they wanted Buffy to restore the balance, they'd tell us how to do so without plaguing us with all these puzzles!"

Julie smirked at them. "C'mon you guys! Prophecy is never straight forward. The Powers like to see us lower beings run around, all confused. They've gotta get their kicks somehow. We need to ask Buffy about it. Maybe she'll remember something."

Spike put a hand up. "No." He looked toward the door that led to the back room of the bar, where Buffy was sleeping. She'd insisted on returning to HQ, and Spike had finally given in, with the understanding that she would rest. He knew she didn't really need to sleep- after all, though twenty years had passed for him, she'd felt none of them. But it made him happy to take care of her, so she'd humored him. "It's hard enough to deal with loosing all your mates and twenty years of time. Let's not add sleep loss on top of it all."

Giles sighed impatiently. "Spike, it's admirable of you to want to protect her- I do as well- but this prophesy deals with another apocalypse. We need the Slayer. She wouldn't thank you for coddling her, you know that."

"I know," Spike said, rising from his chair reluctantly and walking towards the door. "But---" he broke off, and shook his head. "She deserves better."

"She always has," Giles said, "But the Powers sent her to this time for a reason. I don't think they're through with her yet."

 

**********

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Where angels and children picnic together

(This is the dream I love best of all).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy dreamed that she was laying on her back in an endless field of grass, counting the clouds as they drifted overhead. Dawn lay beside her, using her big sister's stomach as a pillow.

"Look, Buffy! That one's Mr. Gordo," Dawn said, pointing to a pig-shaped cloud. "And that. that's Mr. Pointy!"

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Great. I'm even dreaming about stakes now." She reached down to stroke Dawn's long hair. This is a good place, she thought. She felt at peace. Here she had innocence, and warmth. And Dawn. Most of all, she had Dawn.

She frowned down at her sister. "You--- you're dead. Why are you here?"

Dawn wrinkled her nose. "C'mon Buffy, don't be stupid. You know that this is a dream. What else could it be?"

Buffy closed her eyes, battling the waves of disappointment that threatened to overcome her. A dream. Of course it was a dream. But it was so perfect. Here, she had everything. Maybe she could just stay asleep forever, so she'd never have to leave. Never have to leave Dawn, ever again.

Suddenly, the field was gone. Buffy and Dawn stood before the Woman, who was stirring the cauldron of blue water with a motion of her hand. Buffy grabbed Dawn and shoved her protectively behind her back. "This is a dream," Buffy said, "You have to let me have her here. Please. She's dead everywhere else."

The Woman smiled at Buffy. "She's not dead. She was never really alive to begin with. Just a key, a mass of green energy, and an illusion of flesh and memory."

Buffy glared at the Woman, grinding her teeth. "She was my sister."

"In a manner of speaking, I suppose. But not really. You had a soul, Buffy. Any true sister of yours would have had one as well. The Keys had no soul. But you loved her anyways, I understand. Soul or no soul, it matters very little. You know the way to see a creature's worth, be they human or demon or Key. And that's why you are here again, Warrior."

Buffy smiled bitterly. "Why? So you can trick me again? I thought I sold you my soul for the chance to save my sister's life."

"No," the Woman said, "We told you that the Key was never meant to last. You sold us your soul to fold time, to make it so that you had never jumped into the portal. In order for that to happen, you couldn't very well have been on the platform to begin with. You would always have jumped if you thought it would save the Key. In every reality, that was the action you took. So, we sent you away. It was the only way to fulfill our end of the sale."

"And Dawn jumped, and the portal closed. But the Hellmouth opened up the next day! Why didn't you send me back then? I could have stopped it."

The Woman reached for Buffy's hand, but stopped just short of touching her. "No, Warrior, you couldn't have. You see, there is a balance to the world that must be maintained. The balance between night and day, Good and Evil. It is the job of the Powers to keep that balance, but we became impulsive. Carelessly, we sided with Good, and we sent Slayer after Slayer, Warrior after Warrior, to protect the innocent. We didn't realize that we'd created such a large imbalance until it was too late. When we found our mistake, we knew had to correct it and so we gave Evil a time of victory. The Hellmouth would have opened regardless of your efforts, it had to open. Hell was overcrowded with demons, and it exploded onto Earth. Mouths opened in several places, not just Sunnydale. It was time, don't you see? Good had reigned for too long without it's reflection. We brought you to the time when the balance needed to be shifted back to the side of Good."

Buffy reached behind her for Dawn, only to find that her sister had disappeared. "Why did she leave?" Buffy asked the Woman.

"Because, Warrior, you are waking up. I'm sending you back now, but-- - understand me. I did not wish this destiny for you. You've already sacrificed much to maintain the balance, and there's no fairness to your life. I'm going to give you a boon, to be used only in desperation. I was not told why you would need possession of it, only that you would."

The Woman dipped a small, clear vial into the blue water, trapping some inside. She strung it carefully on a gold chain, and dropped it over Buffy's head. "Wear this always, Warrior. It is your soul. We own it, nothing can change that. You will live forever, as our tool. But you--- I've been told that you will need it. Now, Warrior, it's time for you to leave."

Buffy returned to consciousness slowly. She kept her eyes closed and tried to remember every detail of her dream. no, her meeting. Hearing someone shifting in the corner, she opened her eyes.

"Spike?" she said, sitting up and rubbing her face, "I need Giles."

 

**********

 

"So, you see Buffy," Giles said, "Somehow the Powers have placed you in this point in time to fulfill what they'd prophesized for you long ago. However, I can't seem to quite make sense of it all. You sold your soul to the Powers. In exchange for allowing the portal to close, they made you the- -- the eternal Slayer. Now, they give you your soul in a necklace. Presumably, you're to give it to someone without a soul. But--- but it will bring about---" Giles broke off, flustered.

"The end of the world," Spike finished, pacing back and forth behind the table where Buffy and

Giles sat.

"The world wont end," Julie said from her seat on the floor. She motioned to her father, who stood above her protectively. "Dad, tell them."

"Well, it wont be through the Hellmouth anyways, if it does end. There's a spell, y'see, passed down in my family for generations. It'll do a couple of pretty handy things- nothing's better at curing warts!"

Julie blushed. "Daaa-ad, get on with it."

"Well, it was created to close gates and bridges between dimensions. The language that the original incantations were written in was lost when my great-grandparents came here from the Old World."

"Literally, the Old World," Julie explained. "The world before this one. I guess that this isn't the first time that the Powers screwed up and made the world a terrible place. Usually, they just end it. Make a New World. Same places, same people, same everything- just take out what went wrong the first time, and presto! Everyone's happy and alive and none the wiser."

"Julie," Buffy said slowly, thinking, "If your dad's spell closes the Hellmouth, it'll--- what? Start a New World?"

"Yup! Exactly. We'll all still be here and everything. You can fall asleep in bed in the Old World, and wake up in the New World. It's actually pretty simple, if you know how to speak the incantations."

Giles cleaned his glasses, tense with thought. "And you know how?"

Julie smiled broadly. "I do! I've worked on them for most of my life. After my mom was killed, I knew it'd just be a matter of time before I got a sign that the Powers were ready for us to complete the spell. When I saw you Buffy, alive and whole again, I knew. I just knew. It's time now."

Clapping his arm around his daughter's shoulders, Buello beamed. "She's the best, ain't she! So smart, so beautiful. And look at my baby now, trying to save the world. What a girl, I tell you! What a girl."

"Ahm- ah, yes, she's--- she's quite something," Giles said, watching Buffy contemplatively. "What happens now? What must we do to prepare? Do you need components? Research?"

Julie bit her lip. "Well, I need a few hours to prepare everything, before any of you can help. You should try to rest up, get something to eat. I need to look over all my research again, just to make sure. You should know," she said, "that this is going to be very, very difficult. First, we have to take care of the army."

Spike stared at her. "Army's just don't sit around waiting to be led, girl. First of all, most of them were eaten when their officers were turned into vamps." Spike snorted derisively. " 'Never disobey an order' and all that bloody nonsense. Those vamps ate like kings, for years!"

"No, Spike," she said with strained easiness, "We don't need to command an army. We need to defeat one. Ahm--- Oehnos' army, to be precise. And--- we've gotta do it during the ritual, on the Hellmouth itself." Julie squirmed, "Umm--- and the ritual has to take place tomorrow night."

Everyone stared at Julie, shocked.

"Fabulous," Giles muttered. "Back to High School."

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What are we coming to

What wants these things of us

Who wants them


	5. Chapter 5

You are beside me like a wall;

I touch you with my fingers and

keep moving through the bad light.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Buffy stepped out of the shower carefully, and listened for Spike. She knew he'd stayed in the hallway while she refreshed herself, standing guard, even if he wouldn't admit to it. Her very own watch-vampire, complete with growl and fangs.

"I'm fine!" she called to him, and giggled as she listened to him tip-toe away. He could pretend all he wanted to, but her Slayer senses didn't lie when they told her a vamp was present.

Spike was different, Buffy thought. He'd always known her mind, even when he wanted to

kill her. So much had gone wrong between them, Buffy thought. At first, it was wrong that she didn't stake him. She could have, easily, even though they were evenly matched in the fighting department. He'd been so crazy about Drusilla. She'd been his weak spot. She could have taken advantage of that, used that weakness to kill him.

She had let him live. And that had been wrong. Then. But the Powers must really have known what they were doing in keeping her from harming him. Where would Giles be now without Spike? Where would any of them be? Glory would have killed Buffy long before the ritual that opened the portal. The past would have been completely changed. And as for the present--- a New World had to be created. And it could never work without Spike's help. Giles was no fighter, even if he was a vampire, and Buffy couldn't fight an army by herself.

Buffy sighed wearily and stepping into the empty hallway, a towel wrapped securely around her damp body. How were she and Spike suppose to defeat an entire demon army all by themselves? It seemed impossible. But, Buffy reminded herself, the Powers know what they're doing. Sure, they screwed up the entire world- again- and sure, this whole mess was really all their fault. But they've created New Worlds before. They've gotta have some idea of how it's done.

After throwing on a pair of jeans and a tank top, Buffy went downstairs to meet Spike in the living room. He sat perched on the edge of the couch, stacks of papers and boxes on the table in front of him.

"What's all this?" Buffy asked, sitting beside him.

He looked at her grudgingly, worry creasing his forehead. "This might not be the best time to show you all this, but."

"But it might be the only chance we'll have," Buffy said, understanding.

"Right then. I saved this stuff for you. Most of it was the Witch's and Harris's- see, here're Willow's journals, and."

Buffy reached into a box and pulled out a worn Superman comic book. Caressing the cover, she thought of Xander and how he would have been right behind her in this new fight. The heart of the Scoobies, she remembered.

"He thought of himself as your very own Jimmy Olsen, you know," Spike said. "But he was happy. Fighting the fight of the morally correct and all. Saving puppies and Christmas. Annoying the bloody death out of me."

Buffy smiled tearfully. "He--- I think he was better then the rest of us, more courageous. We all had something bigger then ourselves to help us or to protect us. Xander--- he was mostly just stubborn. Loyal. And very, very brave." She grabbed Spike's hands. "What happened to him? How--- how?"

Spike squeezed her hands firmly. "You don't want to know, love."

Shutting her eyes to clear her mind, Buffy nodded. " 'Kay. I trust your judgment about that."

"Do you?" Spike asked, searching through the stacks of journals. "What else about me do you trust, then?"

Buffy opened her eyes. "What do you mean?"

He looked at her silently for a moment, then picked up a thick journal with 'W. Rosenberg' written in red ink on the cover. "It's in here," he said, rifling through the pages, "See, here it is. Listen to this."

He read: "It worked! We finally did it! Tara and I made sunlight today! After the whole disaster with Olaf the troll, I didn't think I'd ever figure out it. But then- poof! It just worked! It turns out, you have to really, really want it to work. You can't just do it for practice or for fun or whatever. You have to feel like your life depends on it. Tara and I were walking home from the Magic Box, and a bunch of vamps attacked us. One of them was just about to bite me, and I was so desperate that I tried the incantation. And it worked! All of a sudden- sunlight! I always wondered what happened to a vamp in the sun. I mean--- death, of course, but I didn't realize that it takes them a few minutes to die. Of course, that doesn't make the spell less effective. Even though they don't die right away, they're in too much pain with the whole burning thing to do anything but scream."

He looked at Buffy expectantly, but she had drifted away. "Buff?" he prodded.

Buffy jumped, startled. "Oh! Sorry. I was---" she sighed. "I was just remember this fight that Dawn and Angel had. It was after he--- after he was himself again. And it was Christmas. He was being tortured by the First Evil, haunted by memories of the people he'd killed as Angelus. It was terrible for him, and for me. They wanted to drive him over the edge far enough that he'd loose his soul in me, then kill me. The torture--- it was incessant--- after a few days, he was in so much pain that he decided to kill himself, before he lost control and hurt someone. Before he hurt me. I found him sitting on the ridge, waiting for the sunrise. I begged him to come inside with me, but he wouldn't."

She paused, pain flashing across her face. "It was one of the most terrifying moments of my life. I'd just gotten him back, and there I was, faced with watching him die- again. Or even having to kill him again myself."

"I never did convince him to go inside, but it turned out okay. Somehow, the sun didn't rise that morning. There was a snow storm instead. It was a miracle, and it was the most beautiful morning I ever had with him. That was when I first realized that the Powers existed, and that they had plans for Angel and I. Spike, where is Angel?"

Spike shook his head. "No, pet."

"I knew that he was dead. Somehow, I knew." She paused a moment, cleared her throat, then continued. "Anyways, when Dawn found out about what had happened, she was furious. She'd seen what I'd gone through when he'd--- gone away the first time, and the second time too, and it made her furious that he could say he loved me and still try to put me through that much pain again. Angel never did come clean with me on exactly what happened between them, but when I saw them both the next day, Angel had a black eye and Dawn--- she had a new respect for Angel. She said he would give his life to protect me, and that it was give with a capital 'G'. I asked her what she meant by that, and she wouldn't tell me. All she'd say was, 'I'm glad you kill them quickly'."

"He must have told her what a terrible way to die it is. Burning in the sun." Spike shuddered, imagining it.

"Yeah. I think so." Buffy looked down, surprised to find her hands still in his. His hands felt cool and smooth, like water on hot skin. They felt good, she noted, blushing slightly. "But what does this have to do with anything? Why'd you read that to me?"

"Because, Slayer, the army we're to fight will be mostly vampire minions, commanded by the Oehnos. I know you remember the Master? Well, think, Buffy. He had a Master as well, when he was first turned. And his Master had a Master, and that Master had a Master, and---"

"That first Oober-Master would be Oehnos. I get the point. So, you think that we could work this sunlight spell of Willow's and create sunlight over the Hellmouth. That'll take care of the army. Will that cause the Mouth to close?"

"I'd wager on it. Either it'll close on it's own, or Oehnos will close it for his own protection. Imagine, Buffy, what sunlight would do to Hell."

She paused a minute, thinking. "No," she said finally, "this wont work. It'd mean I'd have to fight an army all by myself! You and Giles couldn't help me, not with sunlight as a weapon. No, we'll have to find something else."

Spike stood up impatiently, papers flying from his lip. "Slayer," he growled, "you're wrong. There is no other way. We have to fight an undead army tomorrow! What, you got an army of your own waiting in the wings, ready to fight in less then twenty-four hours?"

"Of course not. But Spike, there's no way I can do it by myself. It'd be suicide, even if I wasn't out of practice, which I am! I might not remember being dead for twenty years, but my muscles defiantly do!"

"You wont be alone, pet," he said, kneeling in front of her. He pulled something out of his pocket. "See this? This earring allows a vamp to see his own reflection if a human puts it on him of their own volition. There's a second earring, it's match, that is made from a very special Gem. I think you know her, love. Name of Amara?"

Buffy gaped at him. "You have the Gem of Amara? Where is it?"

"Well, I can't very well wear it every day, can I? Even if some demon didn't kill me trying to steal it, it. it doesn't go with my look, now does it?" He smiled and held out the earring. "Think you could help me with this?"

Buffy examined the thick, gold circlet carefully, then leaned down and gently poked it into his cartilage. "What kind of stone is this one?" she asked, touching it lightly with a fingertip.

Spike gasped as she tickled his ear. "It's --- um --- Arama, Amara's twin. B-Buffy, what are you playing at here?" he said, trying not to move as she caressed his hair above the earring.

She ran her hands over his hair, over the bones of his face, her eyes soft as she gazed at him. "You're shaking," she whispered, as her hands roamed slowly down to his shoulders, then back up again.

"Of course I am, love," he said, not touching her. "It's been a long day."

"A long day?" she said, tracing his lips.

Spike shuddered slightly. "Pet--- I've spent the last twenty years waiting for you, and then poof- here you are. A welcome shock, true, but a shock nonetheless. I waited for you, for so long. And I missed you. Life without you--- let's just say, I really felt dead, for the first time since I was turned. Without you, I had nothing. I was nothing. I kept your life open for you here, as best I could. You house, your Watcher, even did your patrolling. That was all you. Me--- I was nowhere. I couldn't be here, not without you."

Buffy stilled her hands. "Spike---" she began.

"What is it Slayer? You didn't think that a measly little thing like Hell on Earth would stop me from loving you, did you?" He smirked at her with his mouth, but his eyes held an intensity so piercing that it was all Buffy could do to meet his gaze. But she did, boldly, and took his hands in hers as well.

"No. I was more leaning towards the fact that I died right after telling you that I'd never love you. That, and I was gone for two decades. Things like that tend to fade the romantic bloom, you know."

Spike sighed. "Buff. Look at me. I'm a vampire, okay? I've got nothing but time. And I would've waited for you forever- literally! I knew you didn't love me. I knew that wherever you were, you were there not thinking about me, not missing me as I missed you. But that's not love, pet. Love is something I give you, no strings attached. You take it, or you leave it, but it's there nonetheless. That's what makes it so worthy, so rare. You can spend the rest of your immortality hating the very blood of me, and still I will fight your fight, I will dance your dance. Whatever it takes, pet. Anything."

"I---" Buffy broke off, tears filling her eyes. "I don't know what to say."

Spike smiled sardonically. "Well, at least your not still trying to tell me how I can't love, or any other rubbish like that."

Blushing, Buffy touched his cheek. "I was wrong. Obviously."

Spike absorbed her admission for a moment. Twenty years of loving her, and finally he'd made some headway. But they'd make no more if he didn't focus on keeping her with him past tomorrow. "Back to business, Slayer," he said, reaching for Willow's spellbook. "We've got a war to win tomorrow, remember?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How can I fail to love

your clarity and fury

how can I give you all you're due

take courage from your courage


	6. Chapter 6

The double-decker bus was dilapidated and covered with grime. Buffy winced as she climbed into it and gingerly took her seat beside the driver. Spike, used to the bus's appearance, clipped on his seat belt and rubbed his hands over the steering wheel with mock-appreciation.

"She's really something, isn't she," Buffy ventured.

"Beats the DeSoto," Spike said and turned on the engine. It let out a noise Buffy could only label as 'cat being tortured slowly', but it ran.

"Uh-uh," Buffy said, watching the houses fly by as Spike sped towards HQ. "Why exactly does the Council of Watchers drive a double-decker? I mean, it isn't exactly the stealthiest."

Spike snorted. "No, it's not, but it runs. And Julie likes it. Kid's nuts over anything English --- which includes Giles for some reason, but not yours truly."

"Can't imagine why," Buffy said sarcastically. "Seeing as how you're so nice to her and all."

"I tried to be good to the chit, but there's just something about her that rubs me the wrong way. Dunno what. She's a sweet enough girl, it's just -- -"

"She looks just like Dawn," Buffy said, looking out the window away from him.

Exhaling loudly, Spike nodded. "A mirror image, eh? I always thought so. Used to tear me up inside, just the sight of her. I'd see Dawn --- see her laughing, see her putting on airs, like she was a big bad. That was okay, in a painful sort of way. But then Julie'd toss her hair back and all I'd see was Dawn, falling from that bloody platform, her hair flying behind her like ---" he broke off. "Sorry. You shouldn't have to hear all this. I know it must hurt you, remembering her death."

Biting her lip, Buffy shook her head. "I don't, though. Remember her death. I wasn't even there, not really. I remember the death that she would've had if I'd jumped into the portal, but it's fading, like it was only a dream. The last time I remember seeing Dawn was when Glory stole her from us at the gas station, and even that's a blur." She shook her head again, viciously, to clear it. "But I can't think about Dawn now. Or Willow, or Xander. They're dead, and I can't help them. All I can do is --- "

Spike smiled. "Save the world?" He parked the bus in an alley behind HQ.

"One of them, at least," Buffy said, standing. She walked to the back of the bus and rummaged through a pile of weapons, then tossed Spike a sword.

"Spar?" she asked, testing the weight of another sword in her hands. "If I'm gonna fight with you, I have to know what you can do. You must've learned a few tricks you could teach me."

He charged her, and grinned into her face as she parried his blow, high above both their heads. "It wont be tricks I'll be teaching you, pet."

 

***********************

 

"Hey there Giles," Buffy said, sweeping into Council HQ and dumping a box load of ritual components onto the bar. "Spike's taking a rest. He said to tell you that you'll need these things for Willow's sunlight spell. Not much too it, I guess. You can do it in a few minutes, then when the time comes to use it, all I have to do is say the magic words."

"Incant, Buffy. Not magic words," Giles said idly as he picked through the box of components. "Magic words are what you tell children to say. Incants are for real spells."

Buffy smiled. "Even vamp-Giles lectures me. Nothing really changes, huh?"

Giles looked at her, surprised, then returned her smile. "Not between us, Buffy. I'm still your Watcher. Of course, now that there are only two Council members, your only other possible Watcher would be Spike. And I don't suppose that would be very ideal, now would it? Former mortal enemies and all."

Buffy walked around the bar and poured herself a glass of water. She drank it slowly, thinking. "Well," she said, not meeting Giles' eyes. "I'm glad you're still my Watcher. But speaking of changes --- Spike --- he's very different, isn't he?"

"Very," Giles said, searching Buffy's face. "Did he --- did he tell you much about his life while you were --- gone?"

"A few things," Buffy said, pouring another glass and handing it to Giles. "Why?"

"It's just that --- I hoped you knew how he'd found me, what he did for me," Giles said, sipping the water. "I think you must understand who it is you're allied with. And he deserves your understanding, however hard it might be for you to give."

Smiling, Buffy patted Giles' arm. "I think you'd be surprised at Spike and I these days, Giles. We're --- it's different now, between us. It's less 'serial killer in jail' now, and more --- more --- 'serial killer on parole'? No, that's not right. Now --- now it's like he was never a killer to begin with. So much time has passed, so much has happened. And me --- I'm different too, I think. Death'll do that to a girl."

"Ah --- yes, quite. But Buffy, while I'm glad that you understand Spike's new life, I'd hoped you might understand mine as well."

She frowned. "You're a vamp. I know that already. Please don't tell me there's anything else --- honestly Giles, I don't know if I can be any more open-minded then I am without having my brain explode."

Giles patted her arm. "No, I'm just a vampire, nothing more. But you see Buffy, you must know how I was turned, for your own good. I don't want to tell you this, but I must. After the Hellmouth opened, I left Sunnydale. Knowing that all our friends were dead I headed towards LA, with the hopes that Angel might know where you were. He didn't know anything of your whereabouts, of course. It turned out, going to LA was the worst possible thing I could have done." Giles stopped, grimacing. "Angel --- well, Angel had lost his soul again. And he was the same Angelus he'd been before. Torture was his favorite occupation, and he felt very fortunate to find me on his doorstep."

Buffy froze, shocked. Twenty years ago, she reminded herself. There's nothing to be done now. Steeling herself, she reached for Giles' cold hand. "What did he do to you," she asked, her voice harsh with emotion.

"About the same as he'd done before. Pain --- and more pain --- I wont lie to you Buffy, it was brutal. For the first few months, I held out hope that you'd --- that somehow, you had survived, and would be coming for me. But the months passed, and then years --- Angelus wasn't there the entire time, he'd found a new occupation. But he always returned to me before I could starve to death. He kept me alive like that for nearly two years, in chains, in torment, before one of his minions turned me into a vampire against Angelus' wishes. I lived the life of a vamp for another two years. Yes, Buffy- I, your Watcher, killed the innocent and fed on their blood. It wasn't what I wanted, but it was what I had to do to make Angelus believe that he could gain nothing from holding me captive. As soon as I was allowed my freedom, I left LA and came back here. My books were right where I'd left them- apparently, demon hordes from Hell were even less interested in them then you had been. I cast my own soul back upon myself. It nearly killed me to do so. It took months before I had my full strength back after that. And when I did, I had no where to go.

I fell into a depression, and stayed in my apartment for years, feeding off the blood of rats. Ironic, isn't it? Angel turned me into a monster, and there I was following in his footsteps. That was where Spike found me. He was --- Buffy, he was in such grief over your loss. He'd returned to my apartment to look through my books after learning that a new Slayer had never been called. Searching for answers to your disappearance gave us a mission. It gave me myself back. Deciding to restart the Council was a natural step from there. I wanted to move away from Sunnydale, but Spike insisted we stay. He wanted you to have something to come home to, if you ever did."

"Why now?" Buffy asked, her eyes huge with sorrow. "Why tell me this now?"

Giles cleared his throat. "Because, you must know all you can about the army you'll be fighting tonight. I told you that Angelus left me alone for long period of time because he'd found something new to occupy his time with. That new thing was Oehnos and his underlings. The Grand Master took a shining to his many-times-removed progeny. It's Angelus who'll be leading the army, Buffy. It's Angelus who you'll have to kill."

Buffy put her face in her hands, as if she could physically push back the anguish. "This is why the Powers wanted me to fight this fight, in this time. Because it's Angel."

Hugging his Slayer to him, Giles nodded. "Yes. I think so. They know that you've killed him before. And I know what it did to you, Buffy, how it hurt you. Do you think that you can do it again?"

Buffy sat in silence, her face still buried. She forced herself to picture Angelus, not Angel. "I'll do what it takes, Giles," she said dully. "But right now, I have to find Spike."

 

 

**********

 

 

Spike didn't stir when Buffy slammed into the back room of HQ. She stood over him for a moment, watching his sleeping face. He hadn't lied to her, not exactly. He'd only let her believe that Angel was dead. She'd been completely unprepared for what Giles had told her, when she'd thought she'd known all there was to know. How could he have let her be caught off-guard that way? How could he have kept her in the dark?

"Wake up," she said stiffly, kicking the futon on which he slept.

He woke instantly and leapt to his feet, then relaxed as he recognized it was only her. She allowed him a half second to adjust before grabbing him by his shoulders and slamming him against the nearest wall.

"Bloody hell woman! What are you doing?" Spike sputtered, struggling against her grasp.

She slammed him against the wall again, and he stopped struggling. Looking at her, he could almost believe that the past twenty some-odd years had never happened, and that they were mortal enemies again. She had that same look of focused fury she wore while beating him for information in times long since past. He cocked his head, studying her, then realized suddenly what must have happened.

"You know," he said, going limp in her arms. "Let me go, Buffy. We need to talk."

"So talk," Buffy said, shoving him away from her. She backed away from him, then stood with her arms crossed. "Why didn't you tell me that Angel is still alive?"

Spike crossed the space between them in three large steps and grabbed her arms. "Because, pet, Angel isn't still alive. Angel is dead. Angelus is all that's left."

"You should have told me, Spike. What, you were just going to let me meet him in battle, and be surprised? That would have gotten me killed. Or, did you expect that he'd see me and . what? Suddenly remember that I'm the love of his life, forget the fact that he hates me, and take me away again? Away from you?"

"Of course not," Spike spat. He shook her once, hard. "Angelus isn't capable of love, even for you. And I was going to tell you, of course I was! I didn't know how to tell you about Angel without telling you about Giles. And that was his tale to tell. He would've staked me good and proper if I'd said anything before he was ready for you to know. It's not the sort of thing a man --- or a vampire! --- likes to just blurt out, love. 'Oh, by the by, while you were dead I was suffering years of torture at the hands of your true love'. Not exactly the picture Giles would have you carry of him, eh?"

Buffy shrugged off Spike's hands, but didn't step away from him. "I've seen it before," she whispered, closing her eyes.

"Yeah, I know. I was there, remember? And it's not something I'd forget. Buffy. I should have told you, I know that. But I had to give you time to understand that I am not who I was. Otherwise, you would have hated me for not rescuing Giles from Angelus. You might've thought that I'd left him there to suffer, that I'd had some role in it even. And even if I didn't care what you thought of me, I still would need you to trust me. Because otherwise, how would we beat Oehnos tonight? I couldn't take the chance that you would think the worst."

She looked at him for a long moment, the air heavy between them. "You wouldn't have left Giles there. I know that. Even if you didn't care what happened to him, you hate Angelus. And you love me. And I know you would've taken care of anyone I loved. You've proven that to me. So, maybe you were right not to tell me before. I just ---" she sagged onto the futon wearily, brushing her hair from her face with both hands. "I just can't believe that I have to kill him, again."

Spike sat next to her and grabbed her hands. "But Buffy, don't you see? Don't you understand? The prophecy, love. You don't have to kill Angelus. You just have to give him your soul."

 

 

************************************

When you love, everything will come right.

Love has its own action.

Love, and you will know the blessings of it.


	7. Chapter 7

"Of course," Giles muttered, pouring over the page onto which he'd copied the prophecy. "She'd force her soul on Angelus and the world would end. That portion of the prophecy sounded dire when we first read it, but since we are trying to end this Old World to get to the New World, it's actually perfectly alright. Simple, really."

Buffy took the paper from Giles' hand and read it again. "What if I just gave someone my soul right now? Wouldn't that make Old World end, without war and bloodshed and dustings of undeserving vamps? All good, all around?"

"No, it has to be during the battle, Slayer," Spike said as he paced anxiously behind them. "Read the sodding prophecy again."

"Hey," Buffy said, "I'm doing my best here. Remember, I'm not the one who reads stuff. I'm the one who fights stuff."

"It says that blood has to be spilled over the Hellmouth before the Old World will end." Giles sighed. "There's really no way out of fighting, I'm afraid, but if you manage to give Angelus a soul, then Oehnos' army will most likely retreat in confusion. Without their captain, they're really a mindless lot. Willow's sunlight spell will take care of any lingering vampires. You and Spike will have to fight whatever's left standing- it could be anything, really. Or --- or even, nothing. Oehnos isn't known for hiring other species of demon. He prefers to turn his own minions rather then pay for less reliable help."

Spike flopped into the chair beside Buffy's. "So, you're saying that the sunlight spell should take out everything coming out of the Hellmouth. The blood that the prophecy mentions would come from the demons at Buello's bar and in the passport lines. All we really need to do is kill any stray demons, feed Angelus a soul, get him out safe, and light the place up. Julie'll do her spell, and the Mouth will close. Then what? The New World begins and we end up--- where?"

"I'm not certain," Giles said, "But the whole concept gives me an awful big bloody head-ache. I suppose we'll be wherever the Powers want us to be. Probably, wherever we were at the point in time that the Old World took a turn for the Evil side."

"Before Glory," Buffy said, her mind spinning. "We'll be in Sunnydale, and it'll be the same as it was before Glory came. Will we --- what will we remember?" She looked at Spike. "Will I remember any of this?"

"No, I reckon not," Spike said. "You, Watcher-boy, will be human again. Brilliant. You never were a bit of good as a vampire. And Buffy, you'll be back to shagging Captain Cardboard. Isn't that just bloody--- brilliant."

"And you'll be ." Buffy broke off, thinking. She fingered the vial on her necklace pensively.

"I'll be the same old vamp you loved to hate, Slayer." Spike leaned back in his chair, smirking with strained bravado.

Giles sighed. "That does appear to be the way of things. I suppose it's as it should be."

"No!" Buffy said, standing suddenly. "I can give my soul to whoever I want, right? Well--- why not you, Spike?"

Spike snorted. "Have you gone daft? Why would I want your sodding soul?"

Buffy sank back into her chair, stunned. "But--- if you have a soul, you'd take it with you. And then you wouldn't have to go back to being---".

"What? A pathetic boozer with a nothing but a slight case of 'chip' holding him back from draining you bloodless?"

"Well --- yeah." She stared at him in confusion. "I mean it, Spike, I want you to have it. Angel wont need it--- he'll still have his soul in the New World. But you--- you wont have anything. Aren't you happier now? As a good guy?"

"Well, it may be that I am, but that doesn't mean I'd want a soul. I've gone soft enough without adding a soul to the mix. Besides, it wasn't a soul that made me switch teams to begin with, now was it."

Giles shifted in his chair uncomfortably. "You've always loved your vampirism, Spike. I can see why the idea of feeling guilt for your past crimes is unappealing to you. But I thought--- I thought you cared for Buffy."

"'Course I care for her. I love her." Spike grabbed Buffy's hand. "I love you. You know that. And I'll love you in the New World, soul or no soul. I always did."

"But," Buffy said, "If you had a soul ---" She looked down at her hands entwined in his, emotion choking off her words.

Spike dropped her hand and abruptly stood up. "Then what? You could love me back? That's rot and you know it. You're bigger then that, Slayer. You'll love me or you wont, and it bloody well wont be a soul that makes the difference. Give your soul to Angelus. I may hate the poncy bugger, but you love him. It would gut you to have to kill him again. We have to get rid of him one way or another--- we can't fight him sodding army without taking him out first."

He walked to the door without looking at her. "I'll finish getting the components out of the bus. Julie'll be here shortly to do the sunlight spell. It wont take long. Get ready, Slayer. There's no second chance this time."

Buffy jumped up from her seat and followed him out the door and into the alley. "Hold it," she said to his back. He turned to face her, and she moved closer to him. "What you're doing for me--- why are you doing this?"

Spike sighed. "Just how daft are you? I told you why. After all I've done to help you, to honor you, helping you with Angelus is what finally impresses you? You know why I'm doing this."

She took another step towards him. And another. The tips of her shoes touched his. "I know," she said, her eyes vivid with intensity. "I'm just stalling."

Spike looked at her quizzically. "Stalling to what? Stake me for being such a pathetic git? I've almost beat you to it a dozen times."

She took his face in her hands. "Not to stake you." she said, a small smile dancing lightly on her face. "To love you back." She kissed him softly. "In a few hours, we wont remember this. I'll think you're just an annoying, harmless monster. And you--- you'll be whoever it was you were back then. But for now--- right now, I know that you are much more than that. And I want to make this time we have together as real as possible. I want to--- I *need* to make it last. I need it to be--- everything."

Spike cocked his head and studied her. "Buffy," he growled, his hard voice at odds with the softness of his face. He seized her by the shoulders and clasped her against him, holding her there with one hand cradling the back of her head. He inhaled the scent of her hair reverently, then quickly released her.

"C'mon then." he said, pulling her after him into the bus, and shutting the door tightly behind them.

 

****************************

I will never forget you.

See, upon the palms of my hands

I have written your name.

****************************

 

Julie sat beside Giles on the futon, waiting for Buffy and Spike to return. "The spell's been ready for hours, Ripper," she said. "Can't you hurry them up?"

Giles sighed. "Yes, Julie, let's just knock on the door and asked them politely to stop shagging so we can all fret together. It's another hour till sundown. They can spend it however they choose. And do stop calling me Ripper!"

"Why?" Julie asked, fiddling with her necklace. "It suits you."

"Not anymore," Giles said, leaning forward to pour himself another scotch. "Not for a long time now."

"Just because you've got a soul doesn't mean you're not a vampire. I don't know how you've lived for so many years pretending to be the man you were as a mortal. Really, Ripper, you could let loose a little."

"I tried that. It didn't suit me. And besides, in a few hours it wont matter what sort of vampire I was. I don't suppose I'll remember ever having been turned."

"And I wont exist," Julie said softly, dropping her hands in her lap.

Giles stared at her, appalled . "I --- I am sorry, Julie. It didn't even occur to me. You --- you're sure that your parents ---"

"They wouldn't ever have met if the Hellmouth hadn't opened here. Dad came out of it, after all. Not much chance of a Tokra demon meeting my mom at church, ya know."

"But --- you might not exist as you are now, but your consciousness -- - your essence --- perhaps you'll still be born to your mother in the New World."

"Maybe," Julie said, considering. "But --- okay, being half demon might not be everyone's idea of a great thing, but I got lucky. I ended up with all the good things of being a Tokra, and none of the bad. I look human, but I don't age much at all and I get to go invisible whenever I want to. It's a pretty good deal. I don't know if I'd want to be just a human."

Giles touched her shoulder. "None of us get exactly what we want out of this, I'm afraid. Buffy and Spike will loose all that they've found in each other. You will be average, mortal, and powerless. And as for me---"

"You wont have to drink blood anymore. But you wont ever get to be Ripper again, either."

"We all will do what we must, Julie. Sacrifice is never easy, even under these circumstances. Try to take comfort in the knowledge that it is you who is saving the people of this world from lives of misery and certain, violent deaths. And if that is of no solace to you, then remember that the Powers will have this happen regardless of whether or not we wish it to."

"I understand that. I just wish ---" she sighed. "I wish --- everything."

 

************************************

The world is falling down--- hold my hand

It's a lonely sound--- hold my hand

 


	8. Chapter 8

It's been a long day coming,

and long will it last

When it's last day leaving

and I'm helping it pass

By loving you more

***********************

 

"I just wish we had more time," Buffy murmured, snuggling her face into Spike's bare chest. "More time --- and a bed."

Spike chuckled and tightened his arms around her. "Have to admit, pet, I never pictured our first time being in a double-decker bus. There're worse places though. I suppose it beats the cemetery."

"Your crypt wasn't so bad," Buffy said, running her fingertips down the midline of his chest to his naval. The tight muscles that banded his belly twitched under her touch, and she smiled, drunk on her newly realized power to affect him. "It had --- well --- it could have been worse."

"Glad you think so, love. Can't say I look forward to returning to it myself." He reached into the pocket of his duster which was tucked carefully around their bodies, rummaging until he found a pack of cigarettes.

Buffy watched him as he carefully lit one, took a single puff, and extinguished it. "I haven't seen you smoke since --- since before," she said curiously. "I guess it's true then, what people say about post-sex smoking."

"Just wanted to keep my mouth busy." He smirked, then nipped at her neck to tickle her. "Got any better ideas, love?"

Buffy ran her fingers through his hair, digging them into his scalp. She kissed him deeply. "I could think of a dozen," she whispered, panting slightly.

"Only a dozen, then?" he said with an arrogant smile. He nibbled lightly on her lower lip. "You kids today--- no imagination at all."

"Is that a challenge?" she said, her eyes glinting with mischievous lust.

Spike sighed. "No, pet," he said, sobering suddenly. "Smell that? No, you wouldn't, would you. The sun's setting. Only another half hour or so till it's time."

Buffy traced the hollows below his cheekbones solemnly. "I wont forget loving you," she said with a stubborn pout. "I just wont."

"Yeah, you will, pet," he said, sighing again. He toyed with a lock of her hair, winding it around his finger. "You'd best get some sleep before we have to leave. Close your eyes, love, and rest your head. I'll still be here when you wake up."

She nuzzled her face into his chest obediently, too exhausted to argue. "You'll stay with me?" she whispered drowsily.

"Of course, love. I'll be here," he said, his eyes wide with sorrow above her head. "I'll always be here."

 

********************

I'm going to love you

I'm going to love you

When the world ends

I'm going to hold you

When the world is over

We'll be just beginning

********************

 

"Welcome back, Warrior," the Woman said, taking Buffy's hand in hers. She led Buffy to the pool of blue water. "You must have questions for me," she said, stirring the water slowly.

As the water rippled, Buffy felt waves of serenity swell through her body. "That's my soul?" she asked, pointing to the water.

The Woman smiled patiently. "Part of it," she said, "but only part. Your soul is here, but it is also in you."

"Umm--- how can that be? I only had the one. What, did you break it up into little pieces?"

Laughing quietly, the Woman said, "You humans, you're so literally minded. A soul cannot be quantified. Yes, we have your soul here, and yes, you also carry it, both within your heart and on your necklace. You will never loose your soul, Warrior. Even when you give it away, you will merely share it with the recipient."

"Soul mates," Buffy said, remembering the words of the prophecy. "Yeah, we figured that part out."

"What other questions do you have, Warrior," the Woman asked gently. "Time grows short for you, so you mustn't hesitate."

"Angel," Buffy said. "In the New World, will he have his soul? Or will he take mine with him?"

"Ah yes, Angelus," the Woman said. "Another Warrior, sometimes like yourself, sometimes not. He's in no need of a soul."

Buffy recoiled in shock. "What? No. He lost his soul. Otherwise, he wouldn't have tortured Giles and done all of the other horrible things he's done. Angel fights for good, remember? It's Angelus who's evil."

"They are one being now," the Woman said calmly. "I assure you."

"But---" Buffy struggled to focus her thoughts. "Then giving him my soul will do no good?"

"Warrior, listen well to me now. The soul of the Slayer is within you, as well as the soul of Buffy Summers. The Slayer's soul is stronger then you could ever hope to understand. It is life itself, child. Life itself, and your greatest weapon in whichever battle you choose to employ it."

"Huh?" Buffy said, her mind spinning. "You gave me a vial with."

"A true weapon. A truer gift. Use it well, Warrior." The Woman backed away from Buffy slowly, her image fading as she did so. "Wake now," she whispered before vanishing.

 

***************

 

Buffy snapped awake, jerking in Spike's arms. He leapt to his feet, startled, inadvertently dumping her off his lap and onto the floor. She stared up at him, her eyes wide with amazement. "You're never going to believe this," she said, her voice lilting with bewilderment. "Get dressed. We need to go inside. I have to talk to Giles."

Spike frowned at her. "That 'Woman' bird talk to you again, pet? What'd she give you this time? A thousand quid would be nice. Maybe a nice, posh house on the beach."

She threw on her shirt and tossed his boxers to him, not even pausing to giggle when they landed on his head. "Get dressed, already," she said, and hurried out of the bus.

 

********************

 

"I can give Angel what he's been wanting for so long," Buffy finished, looking around the table at the faces of the Council. Giles said nothing, his face wrinkled in thought. "I can give him his life back."

Julie leaned forward earnestly. "That's great. Yeah. Of course, it's terrific. I mean, I'm very happy for you and all. But---"

"But the game plan's still the same," Spike said. "Whatever you give Angelus from your bitty vial will stop him, so you wont have to kill him. Nothing's really changed."

Buffy glared at him. "I know that! I'm just---"

"You're happy," Giles said slowly, his voice chilled. "Buffy. Consider for a moment, will you? Angel did all that he's done while in possession of his soul. Are you certain that you shouldn't kill him?"

"No," Spike said before she could answer. "She's not killing him." He stood and walked behind Buffy, and rested his arms on the top of her chair. "If anything goes wrong from Angel being turned human again, she can deal with it in the New World. Not to be harsh here, but do try and focus people. We have to go fight an army now- no time for games of 'should we, shouldn't we'."

Sighing, Buffy rubbed her vial between her fingertips. "Spike's right. Is everything ready for the sunlight spell?"

"Done," Julie said, "And Dad and I are all ready to complete the ritual. Dad has all the components at his bar. All we need to do it arm up and head out."

Giles walked across the room to a coat closet and pulled out a trunk full of weapons. "Let's go then," he said. He turned his back to the room, then turned back tossed Buffy a bundle of stakes.

She gasped in surprise at her first sight of him with his vamp face on. "Giles," she said softly, her eyes full of pity.

"We need all of our weapons, Buffy," Giles said bitterly. "This is mine, thanks to Angelus. Hurry up now."

They all stared at Giles as he walked away from them and out the door. Buffy bit her lip. "I'd kill Angel for him if I could," she said. "No matter how much it would hurt me, I'd do it. I swear I would. But I can't now, not knowing he could be human again in the New World. Not knowing what this will mean to him."

Spike grabbed her arm and gave it a squeeze. "You're not killing him. Buck up now, Slayer. You heard the man. It's time to go."

 

****************************

Can the touch of a finger mend

what a finger's touch has broken?


	9. Chapter 9

It doesn't matter what I want

It doesn't matter what I need

It doesn't matter if I cry

Don't matter if I bleed

You've been on a road

Don't know where it goes or

Where it leads

***************************

 

The silence on the way to the Hellmouth made Spike itchy, but he drove without complaint. Buffy and Giles sat together on the first bench of the bus, close enough that their elbows touched, but faced away from each other to avoid eye contact. A novel of unspoken words lay in the space between their bodies. Spike thought that if he watched them long enough he'd be able to read it, but to do so would be unforgivably invasive. Not something he'd had a lot of cause to worry about in his life- being rude was as natural as drinking blood for a vampire. But for Buffy, he'd made never-ending exceptions from his nature.

He drove the long route from HQ to the old high school, buying himself time to steal glimpses of Buffy in the rear view mirror. She never looked back at him, but from the way her eyelids twitched he knew that it was taking her some effort to maintain her focus away from him. She loved him, she'd told him that and proven it to him with her actions- both during and after their love making. Tenderness was never a quality he'd sought in a mate, but Buffy had proven to him just how big of a fool he'd been. That anyone, anything, could take from him the precious memories of those few, intimate hours with her seemed inconceivably cruel. And perhaps that was the point.

Always knew payback time would come, he reflected. Sure, he had memories of the good he'd done: good with Buffy, with the Scoobies, for Dawn, and good when they all were long dead phantoms in his head. But the memories of his crimes- his *many* crimes, he reminded himself with coy pride- shared housespace in his mind alongside his memories of good. The two had roomed together peacefully for decades but as the years passed, the tension grew. Was the goodness of his recent deeds enough to absolve him of guilt for the his older wrongdoings? There was no one who could answer that question, if Spike had been inclined to ask it. Even thinking about it made him bored. The past was done, and whatever penalties were to be paid for it would be dealt with as they arose.

But this particular punishment--- he didn't know how he'd deal with it. Loosing Buffy once had nearly killed him. Forgetting that he'd ever had her to begin with--- well, at least he wouldn't remember how good it was to have her. Somehow, that gave him no comfort. Grief as strong as bloodlust rose in his throat. He wanted to brand Buffy, to mark her permanently with the knowledge that he had been *something* to her. In the New World Angelus would be human, his only obstacle in the way of a Life With Buffy gone. Nothing of Spike would stay with her- not even the alliance they'd built to fight Glory and protect Dawn. Buffy's path was set- his only option was to follow her, help her where he could, and consign himself to returning to his miserable, neutered existence.

Bloody hell, he thought, shaking himself out of his reverie. What a waste of his last hours with Buffy- he'd be damned if he'd spend them brooding like Peaches! "Pet," he called to her, his voice cracking the heavy silence. "How 'bout you come up here and sit with me?"

With a sidelong look at Giles, Buffy came forward and sat on the floor beside his seat. She laying her head in his lap. "You've been driving in circles," she murmured, looking up at him with heavy eyes. "Don't think I didn't notice that."

With a flash of smile, Spike checked the rear view mirror to see if Giles was listening, but he had moved to the back of the bus to talk with Julie. "Hush, love," he said, "Wouldn't want Rupert to hear. He wants to get out of this world so badly, he'd likely stake me for dawdling."

Buffy reached up and traced the curve of his ear. "He's not paying attention, or he'd already have said something. I'm all for dawdling, myself. The army wont come till Julie starts the ritual, so really, what's the hurry?"

Spike started to speak, but she held up her hand to stop him. "I know, I know, they grow more powerful, blah blah blah. We'll beat them, okay? We know that. Let's think about other things now."

"Like?" He took one hand off the wheel to stroke her hair. "It's rather hard to do what I have in mind while I'm driving."

She covered his hand with her own and nuzzled it to her face. "Like--- touching you. Loving you. All the thoughts we'd take with us if we could."

His face hardened. "Almost doesn't seem worth the trouble. After all, we *can't * take them with us, now can we."

Tears filled Buffy's eyes, but she refused to give way to them. "It's worth it," she said stubbornly, tightening her grip on his hand. "It's everything."

Spike shuddered, and tilted his head back to keep his tears from falling onto her face. One rebellious tear dripped over his temple and into his ear. Buffy wiped it away slowly, and he caught her hand and kissed it fiercely. "I know, love," he whispered into her palm. "I know."

 

 

************************************

It doesn't matter what I want

It doesn't matter what I need

It doesn't matter if I cry

Don't matter if I bleed

Feel the sting of tears

Falling on this face you've loved for years.

************************************

 

Their arrival at the Hellmouth was anticlimactic in that the place seemed to be mostly deserted. They walked quietly through the halls of the old high school, pausing outside the doors of the library to collect themselves.

"Why does it look the same?" Buffy asked. "I mean, you'd think that they would've done more with the place--- put in a demon B&B or something. They could've at least taken Snyder's picture down." She glared at the framed photo of her old principal that hung on the wall above her. "Always wanted to do this," she muttered, flipping her middle finger at the photo. "Maybe they thought he was a hottie. Too bad Snyder couldn't stick around to see his school turn into Demon Central. He could've finally gotten a date."

"Demons aren't the most enterprising of creatures," Giles said as he searched the dark hallway for any sign of Buello. "And besides, most of them would want to leave the Mouth as soon as possible, before any larger demons decided that they'd make a good supper."

"Makes sense, I guess," Julie said, "Most of my dad's customers were either too strong or too stupid to care who was coming out of the Mouth behind them."

"Hey," said Buello, materializing in front of them suddenly. "Those 'stupid' demons paid for your new Doc Marten's, young lady. I'd watch throwing those insults around."

"Dad!" Julie said, throwing her arms around him happily. "You're late! I was starting to get worried!"

"Well, you all took long enough! Started me thinking that maybe you'd decided that you like this world after all. If you've changed your minds, we could always---"

"No, no," Giles said, "Our minds are completely the same. You're ready for the ritual, then?"

"Oh yeah! Got my girl here, and she's got all the components and junk like that. Ain't she a wonder, my girl? Always ready."

"Great," Buffy said, growing impatient. "Let's get this going then."

They entered the old library boldly, as though they belonged there. Spike's duster fluttered around his legs as he strode with confidence to the edge of the Mouth and peered inside. Julie, willing herself invisible, followed her father to his bar where they would perform the ritual. Buffy and Giles hung back, surveying the room.

"Not too busy tonight," he muttered, taking his jacket off. "And bloody hot!"

"You think these guys'll have enough blood to make good on the prophecy?" Buffy asked, looking at the handful of short, squat Lassa demons doubtfully. "They look like a mix between a troll and the dancing baby from Ally McBeal."

"They'll do," Giles said. "And they're stupid enough to be an easy kill. You and Spike'll have no problem taking them out. You got lucky there, Buffy."

"Yeah," Buffy said softly, watching Spike as he looked down into Hell. She fingered her vial that hung around her neck. "Lucky, lucky me."

 

*******************************************

Touch my skin and tell me what you're thinking

Take my hand and show me where we're going

See my eyes, they carry your reflection

Watch my lips and hear the words I'm telling you

Give your trust to me and look into my heart

What you feel is what I feel for you.


	10. Chapter 10

There is a season when all wars end:

when the rains come

When Justice is not a word

because it is air, and we breathe it

*******************************

 

 

"I almost feel bad for them," Buffy said, wiping the blade of her sword clean of bluish-black Lassa demon blood. "I mean, they just stood there. They didn't even try to defend themselves. It was like killing children, or--- really stupid, short demons."

"It's done now, Slayer. No time for regrets, eh?" Spike dragged the last Lassa corpse to the edge of the Hellmouth. Its blood dripped slowly inside. He turned to the bar and watched Buello spread dirt in a circle around Julie, who lay flat on her back, her eyes closed, chanting quietly. "Looks like they're just about ready to start the ritual."

Buffy walked over to Julie. "Dirt?" she asked Buello. "That's pretty-- - simple, isn't it? I though something like this would take gold, or a first-born child, or something."

"Nah," Buello said, brushing the last of the soil from his hands, "just plain ole dirt. I guess it symbolizes the world or something. Sort of like these." He pulled four fist-sized lava rocks from his pocket. "Got them on a trip to Maui, a long time ago. Julie's mom and I met there--- oh, right around the time you died, it would've been. We picked them up on a beach right under this dormant volcano called Haleakala. Best trip of my life, though I've gotta admit, I never thought I'd use them to end the world. But hey, at least they're coming in handy." He put the rocks at Julie's feet, head, and elbows. "Only one thing left," he muttered, searching behind the bar. "Ah here." He pulled out a bottle of holy water and sprinkled it over Julie, who didn't seem to notice. "That'll keep her safe, no matter what happens to the rest of us."

"Good idea," Buffy said, "but don't worry. The sunlight spell will work. No vamp'll get near her, I promise."

"You're right. And to make sure you stay right, I'm the one who'll say the incant. I know, I know," he said over Buffy's protests, "It was suppose to be you, but I thought it'd be better if someone--- ahm--- a bit more vamp-hating did it. Mr. Giles agreed."

Buffy shot a glare in Giles' direction. "I can do it. It's not like it's so hard or anything."

"Sure girley, I know you can. Let's just call me your back-up." Buello eyed the sword in Buffy's hand and gave her a nervous smile. "So--- you ready?"

With a final frown, Buffy nodded. "Spike!" she called over her shoulder, "Get ready!".

The two warriors stood between the Hellmouth and Julie, their swords brandished. Giles hung back, to be the last line of protection between the army and the ritual. Buello, watching Julie carefully, began a countdown.

"Ten - Nine - Eight----"

Buffy looked at Spike, biting back tears. "Be careful," she said to him, touching her sword to his lightly.

Spike gave her a cocky grin. It did nothing to convince her the brightness she saw in his eyes wasn't tears. "Always, love," he said, waving one hand at her pointedly. The Gem of Amara ring sat on his fourth finger like a wedding band. She'd slid it there herself and the sight of it reassured her.

"Seven - Six - Five---"

"Buffy---" Spike said, "I--- I want you to know how much I---"

She held his gaze courageously. "I know, Spike," she said. "I love you too."

"Four - Three - Two---"

From inside the Hellmouth came the thunder of countless marching feet. The noise chilled Buffy to the bone, but she held her position and threw Spike a last, desperate smile.

"It'll be okay," she said. She readied her sword as the noise slowed and then ceased entirely--- except for the clicking steps of a single pair of boots.

Angelus rose slowly from the Hellmouth. He ignored Spike completely and advanced on Buffy with deliberation. "I knew you'd be here, lover," he said, a familiar, malicious smile on his face. "Did you miss me?"

Trying to stay calm, Buffy raised her sword. "Not much," she said. They circled each other like jungle cats. Both found their scene all too familiar: swords, the end of the world, the mouth to hell. Buffy prayed for a different ending this time around.

"What happened, Angel?" she asked, baiting him. "Acathla didn't work, so you had to find another way to screw things up for the rest of us? Whose boots are you licking these days? What are you getting out of this?"

"What can I say," he muttered, his eyes narrowing. "I like to end up on top." He thrust his sword at her, growling as she narrowly parried the blow. "As you'll recall." He swung at her again. And again.

"Sorry," Buffy grunted, alternately deflecting and delivering blows. "I don't recall. Must not have been that thrilling."

Metal flew against metal, the sound sending chills up Spike's spine. He stood to the side and watched the exchange of blows closely. Angelus was stronger then he'd ever been before. 'Guess hell's been good to him this time around,' Spike thought, his fingers twitching nervously on the hilt of his sword. He nearly intervened when Buffy took a glancing blow to the side of her head, but her furious glare kept him back.

"Bleeding already, lover?" Angelus taunted, "What's wrong?" He stabbed her shallowly in the shoulder. "Well, don't feel too bad. I'll make it quick, I promise. You wont feel a thing." Grinning, he sliced into her abdomen. She gasped and fell to her knees, her sword clattering to the ground in front of her. "Oops. Guess I lied. But, no matter." He kicked her in the face and watched as she flew backwards and lay still. "Girls always think slow is better."

Spike rushed towards Angelus, but Giles reached him first. Roaring wildly, the old Watcher flung himself onto his sire's back. Angelus reared back as Giles ripped into his neck fangs sharpened by decades of hatred.

The sound of Buffy moaning forced Spike's attention away from the fight. He ran to where she lay and carefully probed her wound. Pools of blood spread around her. He knew that while she wouldn't die, she wouldn't fight again that day.

"Slayer," he growled, fighting back fear. "Buffy. What do I do?"

"You know what to do," she said faintly through white lips. Coughing weakly, she pointed to where Angelus stood menacingly over his unconscious victim. "Bring me Angel. Go and do it! Now! Go!"

Abandoning his sword in favor of a wooden stake, Spike crept up behind Angelus. Three steps away---- two--- he raised the stake in the air, and prepared to swing it.

"I know you're there, Spike," Angelus said, spinning around and grabbing the stake in mid-air. "You stink of the Slayer."

"Better me than you, mate," Spike said, kicking Angelus in the stomach.

"I'd have to agree," he said, punching Spike in the face.

Spike flew backwards, but jumped to his feet quickly. "Funny," he said, punching Angelus in the chest and looking around anxiously for his sword. "Last time we did this, you took a lot more damage."

"Well," Angelus said, "things change, boy." He grabbed Spike by the shoulders and lifted him in the air. "As you're about the find out." He threw him across the room, and grinned when the younger vampire struggled to rise. Facing the Hellmouth, he shouted, "Army of Oehnos! Now is the time! Advance!"

Spike met Buffy's eyes from across the room, twin expressions of panic on their faces. The sounds of a thousand-demon army climbing from the Hellmouth rose in their ears. Angelus, laughing, advanced on Spike, brandishing his sword.

"Buffy!" Spike screamed, unable to protect himself. "Do the bloody spell!"

Closing her eyes, Buffy whispered, "I'm sorry, Angel." She reached into her pocket for the small bottle Julie had given her earlier. Throwing it to the ground, she shouted, "Fiat Solaris!"

The next moments happened so quickly, they seemed to fly by her face in a blur. A half-second before the words of the spell left her lips, Angelus noticed that Spike wore the Gem of Amara. Distracted by the noise of the approaching army, Spike didn't realize where Angelus' attentions were focused until it was too late. The ring was pulled from his finger just as the last word of the sunlight spell was spoken.

The ball of light was enormous and glaring. Buffy shielded her stinging eyes. Spike and Angelus both howled with pain, smoke rising from their bodies. The Gem of Amara fell to the ground and rolled across the floor into the Hellmouth.

"Buffy!" Spike screamed, crawling towards her. "Oh God it hurts!"

Buffy stared at him, her body frozen in shock. This wasn't happening. She looked across the room at Giles, who still lay unconscious. Flames erupted along the length of her Watcher's back. No, this wasn't happening. She closed her eyes, blocking out the sight of three dying vampires.

"Buffy!" Spike screamed again, rocking his smoking body back and forth beside her. "Buffy, help me!"

She snapped her eyes open as Spike's words penetrated her stupor. "Oh my God," she said, looking around frantically for a way to help him. Sunlight pervaded the entire room--- there was no shade to be found.

"Hang on, hang on Spike. Just hang on." Her wound forgotten, Buffy grabbed Spike by the shoulders and dragged him under the bar.

Spike gazed weakly at Buffy through the smoke. The light continued to burn him. A quick glance at the shamefaced Buello told Buffy that he'd performed a sunlight spell also.

"Buffy," Spike moaned, "This--" he broke off, watching disjointedly as small bursts of flame climbed up his legs.

"This wasn't suppose to happen," Buffy finished quietly, torn between wanting to touch him and not wanting to cause him further pain. The earth beneath them rumbled as Buello and Julie's spell came to a climax. Another minute, and the Old World would end. One more minute.

Spike screamed in agony as the flames covered him. He rolled against Buffy, burning her, but she ignored the pain. The vial around her neck seemed to grow heavier, calling her attention to it.

One more minute--- Buffy took the vial off the chain. She cradled his scorched head in her lap and forced his jaw open.

"Shh---" she whispered soothingly as she snapped the vial in two and poured the blue liquid through his blistered lips. "Hush, my love. The pain will be over soon." She rubbed his throat gently to encourage him to swallow.

His eyes fluttered closed, then opened wide with shock. Long-dead blood began to move through his veins, dormant cells awoke, and his heart began to beat. He looked at her, awareness darkening his eyes. "No," he said, the simple word filled betrayal. "No!" He tried to sit, to move away from her, but fell back weakly as the room began to shake and spin.

Buffy hugged him against her as the spinning grew faster. Everything around them swirled madly, melting into nothingness. She burying her face in Spike's neck, holding him tightly.

"Forgive me," she sobbed against his charred skin, restraining him as he tried to pull away from her.

And the world ended.

**************************************************

My heart will always fly to you like a bird

from any place on earth, and it will surely find you.

That you had become so much a part of the Heaven

that stretches above me that I had only to raise my eyes up

to be by your side. And even if they flung me into a dungeon,

that piece of Heaven would still spread out within me

and my heart would fly up to it like a bird,

and that's why everything is so simple, so terribly simple,

and beautiful and full of meaning.


	11. Chapter 11

Of all the things I've believed in

I just want to get it over with

Tears form behind my eyes

But I do not cry

Counting the days that pass me by

*****************************

 

"Look at me, Buffy! Watch this!" Dawn cried, her ice skates flashing as she leaped into air. She spun once, twice, before executing a perfect landing. Skating in circles around the empty rink, she grinned up at her sister.

Buffy cheered from her seat in the bleachers. "Great one, Dawnie! Let's see a double axel now."

Suddenly, the Woman materialized and sat beside Buffy. "Greetings, Warrior."

"Oh," Buffy said, her shoulders slumping in disappointment. "It's you. I should've known this wasn't real. Dawn could never be so graceful in real life."

"Be at ease, Warrior. You'll see The Key again very soon."

"It worked then? We ended the world?"

"Yes. You did precisely what you were meant to do. The balance has been restored."

Buffy looked back at Dawn, who continued to skate. "Then she's just a real girl now. Human. Normal. No more Key."

"She is what you've known her to be. A Key in human form. However, she unlocks nothing in this world."

"Good," Buffy said. "She'll be safe. No super powerful Hell God to worry about." Shooting the Woman an uneasy glance, she crossed her fingers for luck. "Right?"

"The Key will remain with you for the span of her mortal life, Warrior. You deserve her." The Woman took Buffy's hands gently. "I'm sorry for the pain your duty has brought you. You've sacrificed much and born the burden with great tenacity."

Buffy closed her eyes, images of Spike on fire threatening to overwhelm her. "I know," she said bitterly. "That was some gift you gave to me. More like 'yet another hard choice for Buffy to make'. Thanks bunches."

"Your soul was to be used as a gift or a weapon. You chose wisely, using it as both."

Buffy winced. "Not a weapon. I didn't want to harm him. He was burning, in horrible pain, and I couldn't stand it. I had to help him."

The Woman raised a single, white eyebrow. "That's one truth. Tell me the other."

"He couldn't go back to what he was," Buffy said, both regretful and proud. "I couldn't let that happen. He hated his life then! He hated everything, everyone. All of his pride had been stripped away because of the chip. I mean, yeah, the chip was a good thing. But it wouldn't last forever. Someday, he'd find a way to dig it out. Can you imagine what he'd do then? He'd kill all the time, everyone he could, just to prove to himself that he's still the Big Bad. He'd be completely out of control, a monster. And do you know what would happen next?"

"Of course I do," said the Woman, pursing her mouth in offense.

"I would have had to kill him." She paused, trying to calm herself. "I don't know what I'll remember in the New World. Probably more then Giles and Spike since I'll have to know I'm immortal. I don't know if I'll remember loving Spike or not. But--- the body remembers the hands that shaped it. Loving Spike changed me. And killing him--- whether I remember what we shared or not!--- would kill everything in me that's whole and worthy and true."

The Woman considered this for a moment. "What is a soul, Slayer?" she asked solemnly.

"Huh?"

"A soul. You humans--- how limited you are! Some of your kind would say a soul is merely a conscience, but that is untrue. Many creatures act wrongly and are free of guilt while in possession of a soul. When a human is turned into a vampire, they are said to loose their souls. That is how mortals explain the love of evil vampires possess. The truth is, they don't loose their souls because they are vampires. They loose their souls because they are dead. When you re-soul a vampire with its own soul, they are given qualities of humanity, but not life. Life comes only from a soul of utter purity."

"Such as the soul of a Slayer," Buffy finished. "Okay, so that's how it worked. Spike is alive again. But--- now what? He's suppose to be a productive member of society, working some 9-5 somewhere?"

"He's not merely alive, Warrior. He carries your life inside of him. Thus, he is bound to you, and you to him, for all eternity and beyond. He is, essentially, you."

Buffy laughed bitterly. "You have *got * to be joking. You're saying Spike is a Slayer?"

"Spike is you. You are the eternal Slayer." The Woman folded her hands in her lap serenely. "I expected this news to please you. Most immortals live solitary existences, but you will have a partner. A mate. Why does this cause you pain?"

"You don't understand Spike. He loved being a vampire. He will never forgive me for taking that away from him. And when he finds out I've made him a Slayer--- let's just say, it's a good thing I'm unkillable."

"Use that word carefully. 'Never'. It has different meaning to you, immortal one."

"Do you know what will happen to us?" Buffy asked, mild hope lightening her eyes. "Is there something you're not telling me?"

"Much occurs in a lifetime that spans millennia, far more then you could ever comprehend. I know many things, Warrior, and can tell you few. Be at ease knowing you are watched over, and that I will visit you again."

"But--- what about Spike? What he remember? Will he understand what I did to him?"

"He'll remember what he must," the Woman said, "nothing more or less."

"And me?"

"You'll remember everything, Warrior, even that which you would rather forget. There must always be balance, to all things. Even this."

"You told me once that my life had no balance to it. If it's your job to make balance, how can you do this to me? How can you expect me to carry the memories all alone? Haven't you Powers hurt me enough?"

"Calm yourself, Warrior. The balance in your life lies in the larger picture. You are not meant to see it today. Or tomorrow. Trust in yourself, and in your fate. Your path is leading you to your destiny."

Buffy watched Dawn skate in silence for several minutes. The Woman waited patiently, allowing Buffy to collect her thoughts.

"Wake me up," she demanded finally, standing.

"You've no further questions to ask me?"

"I have a million questions to ask you, and I'd love to hear the million confusing answers you'd give me, but they'll have to wait. I have to find Spike. He's alone, wherever he is. He's human. He's probably confused. I have to go to him. He might hate me but I have to help him. I have to make him remember. Wake me up!"

With a look of annoyance, the Woman slapped Buffy across the face. "Awaken."

 

***********************************

I've been searching deep down in my soul

Words that I'm hearing

are starting to get old

It feels like I'm starting all over again

***********************************

 

The smell of clean sheets tickled Buffy's nose. She nuzzled her pillow sleepily, pulling her blanket over her shoulders. The dorm beyond her room clamored with the noises of exuberant students, a constant feature of college life she'd always found comforting.

"Good morning, sunshine," said a husky voice from the pillow beside her. A hand landed on her head and began stroking her hair. "Time to wake up now. Things to do, places to be, monsters to slay."

Buffy smiled happily. "Spike," she murmured, turning to face her lover, her eyes still closed.

The blanket suddenly whipped off her. "Hey!" she said, shivering. She snapped open her eyes. Her mouth dropped open in horror at who she saw. "Oh. God. No."

Riley stood beside the bed, his face red with anger. "That's it," he said, "I can't take anymore. When you told me you'd date Spike if you wanted a guy with super powers, I thought you were joking!" He threw the blanket on top of Buffy in frustration. "What the hell is your problem! Aren't actual, *living* guys good enough for you?"

"Uhm---" Buffy stalled, reorienting herself. "Oh, right. I was dating Riley before Glory came to town," she said to herself. "And Spike was dating---"

"What do you mean, you *were* dating me? You fell asleep last night telling me you loved me! And what does any of this have to do with glory?" He pulled on his army-issue briefs quickly. "God, Buffy. Spike? I always knew there was something weird between you two, but---" He shuddered in disgust.

"Believe me, you have *no* idea just how weird the thing that's between Spike and I really is." Buffy stood and dressed quickly, her mind inwardly focused. Spike would be in his crypt, maybe with Harmony. She shuddered slightly at the thought of them together, but forced the image from her mind in self-protection. Spike would remember her. He'd forgive her. Nothing else mattered. She would consider no other possibility.

"Where are you going?" He stood beside her with his hands on his hips. "We need to talk. You can't be serious about this."

She picked up her purse and opened the door without a glance in Riley's direction.

"Hey, Buffy!" he said, grabbing her shoulder and turning her around. "Hold on a minute and answer me. Where are you going?"

"You're still here? Oh. I'm going to find Spike." She broke from his grasp effortlessly and stepped out the door. Not bothering to pause, she looked at him briefly over her shoulder. "You were nice, but it's over now. Sorry."

The door slammed shut in Riley's stunned face. Scratching his head absently, he sank limply into a chair. "Nice?" he said weakly. "Nice!"

 

 

***********************

 

 

Spike's crypt looked as it always had--- like the dingy tomb it was. She entered cautiously, all too aware that she was risking her life. Harmony herself didn't pose much of a threat, but it was her turf Buffy was entering, and any number of minions could be inside. Another, more unsettling part of Buffy's brain told her that Spike himself could be dangerous, but she quickly silenced that thought.

He'll remember everything, she prayed as she crept inside, a stake gripped tightly in her hand. The Woman will be wrong. He'll remember me, and how he loved me, and somehow, he'll forgive me.

"Spike?" she called, hesitating. She could sense no vampires, but her instincts weren't always reliable. "Are you here?" Slowly, she made her way down the ladder to the lower lever. "Hello?"

The basement was completely dark. Buffy felt her way across the room to a table, where she found a candle and a single book of matches. The dim light it gave scarcely helped the situation, but it was enough for Buffy to catch a skittering movement in the far corner.

"Spike?" she said, walked slowly towards him. "Is it you?"

"Go 'way, Slayer," he said, his voice hoarse. "I don't want you here."

"But---" Buffy broke off, seeing him clearly for the first time.

His clothes hung from his narrow frame like ribbons. Claw marks marred his face and chest, the trails of blood a sharp contrast to his pale skin. Bruises stretched across his face, and he spit blood from between swollen lips. His eyes, glassy with trauma, shifted fearfully from Buffy to the room's shadows and back. He hunched over his wounds like a cornered animal. "What--- what did you do?" he asked her, coughing. "What did you do to me? It was you, I know it was you."

She reached out to him, but he jumped back, away from her. Persistent, she touched his hand, taking it in her own, ignoring his resistance. "Come with me now," she said, her heart in her throat. This was bad. She needed help. "You're coming home with me. You're in shock and your hurt. I'll fix you up, take care of those cuts."

Spike followed her without argument, though his every emotion screamed for him to run away. She had done this to him, he knew that much. Not the scratches--- that had been Harmony, upon waking up to find a human in her bed. He didn't know how Buffy'd done it, but she had, somehow.

Buffy opened the door to the crypt and paused, waiting for Spike to step over the threshold and into the sunlight. "It's okay," she soothed, tugging on his hand. "You're human. It can't hurt you now."

Sunlight. Spike closed his eyes, terror choking him. He'd been in sunlight. He'd been--- he'd been on fire! The pounding of his heart roared in his ears, foreign and unsettling. Half-remembered agony made his vision spin. He fell to his knees, dizzy. Nausea, he thought fuzzily. This is nausea. I remember this.

"Spike!" Buffy called, kneeling beside him.

He heard her as if through a haze. "Buffy," he gasped, forgetting to breathe.

She lifted him in her arms and walked into the sunlight, ignoring his struggles with a heavy heart. "I'm sorry," she whispered to him, "It's going to be hard, and I'm so sorry. I swear, I'll make this better. I'll make this right for you. For us. Somehow."

 

*************************

I still get lost in your eyes

And it seems that I can't live

a day without you

Closing my eyes and

you chase my thoughts away

To a place where

I am blinded by the light

But it's not right


	12. Chapter 12

When shall we learn what should be clear as day,

We cannot choose what we are free to love?

*****************************************

 

Fumbling to keep her arms around Spike’s unconscious body, Buffy tried to open the back door to her mother’s house without dropping him. It might’ve worked, had she been carrying her key. “Dammit,” she cursed, her emotions threatening to overwhelm her. She bit them back angrily. So what if nothing in the New World happened like she wanted it to? The Old World never took her wishes into account either. “No time for tears,” she said, looking down at Spike’s battered face. “Gotta get inside before he wakes up and freaks out again.”

The door swung open suddenly, as if hearing her. “Buffy?” Dawn asked, rubbing her eyes sleepily. “Why are you out here talking to yourself and---“. She jumped back, noticing who Buffy carried. “What happened to him? And why’d you bring him here?” Hey eyes widened, considering the sunny sky. “Uhmm--- shouldn’t he be on fire? ”

Buffy stared at Dawn, swaying with relief. The Woman had done as promised. Her sister hadn’t died. Finally, something was going right. Dawn wore the Scooby Doo pajamas Willow had given her for Christmas. Her hair hung in two braided pigtails. In her hands she held a box of Captain Crunch cereal. Buffy sighed.

“You’re the same,” she said. “You even eat the same. Hmm. Maybe I should’ve asked the Woman to change a few things after all.” She took a deep breath, focusing. “Spike’s--- he’s hurt. Help me get him upstairs.”

After climbing the stairs two at a time, Dawn opened the door to Buffy’s bedroom, and hung back as Buffy gently laid Spike on the bed. He moaned as the scratches on his back rubbed against the bedclothes. Wincing in sympathy, Buffy sat beside him and stroked his hair. “You’re going to be fine,” she whispered, her voice cracking. Tears swelled in her eyes. She let them fall, finally.

“Buffy?” Dawn asked apprehensively from the doorway.

Buffy looked at her sister. “Come here,” she said, holding out her hand. Dawn walked forward slowly, her forehead wrinkled with puzzlement. Grabbing the girl’s hand, Buffy pulled her into a hug. “I’m so glad to see you.”

“Uhmm--- okay. That’s--- that’s great. Love you too. Lots. But--- Slayer strength, remember? Ow.” Dawn drew back, rubbing her ribs. “Spike looks awful. Did you do that to him?”

Buffy traced Spike’s bruised cheek tenderly. “No,” she said, “Well, not really. The bruises are from Harmony.”

“You’re acting really weird. What’s going on? How come the sun didn’t hurt him?”

Buffy didn’t answer. She pulled a quilt over Spike’s legs, patting it around him snugly. He flinched away her touch, throwing his arms up to protect his face. His whole body shook with gut wrenching tremors, causing the bed beneath them to shake. From his throat came a low, keening sound, the pure distress of it shooting straight into Buffy’s heart.

“Shh--- it’s okay,” Buffy said, kneeling on the mattress and pulling him against her. He curled around her legs, his head in her lap, his arms wound tightly around her waist. “You’re okay,” she repeated. She didn’t know what to make of his semi-conscious state. It was better then being totally unconscious, she supposed. Or catatonic, as she had once been under a similar level of trauma.

Dawn stared at the two of them, amazed. There Spike was, lying in Buffy’s lap, and her sister didn’t even seem annoyed with him! Sure, she’d let Spike help out from time to time, but always for money, and always as a last resort. Though Dawn loved to see Buffy’s face so unguarded, what it revealed made her take a step out of the room. Her sister loved Spike! Which wasn’t a bad thing, really. Just weird. Really, really weird.

“Buffy? Can I help?”

“Call Giles,” Buffy said, closing her eyes in concentration. “Tell him to get here as quickly as he can. Tell him--- tell him Spike’s human. After you’re done on the phone, bring some bandages and stuff. I don’t think I should---“ she broke off, looking down at him. He couldn’t hate her while unconscious, she thought, struggling against her insane desire for him to stay asleep. She could pretend he was the Spike from the Old World, until he woke up. Then there would be hard questions and complex answers. But for now, he belonged to her. “I wont leave him.”

 

****************************************************

I dreamed that I died: that I felt the cold close to me;

and all that was left of my life was contained in your presence:

your mouth was the daylight and dark of my world,

your skin, the republic I shaped for myself with my kisses.

*****************************************************

 

Spike lay motionless, though awake. Confusion reigned supreme in his mind. He knew where he was, though it was hard to believe the Slayer would take him into her room, into her bed. He knew that she lay beside him, curled around his body, sleeping. That was even more difficult to understand. Why the hell would she cuddle up to him as if he was that sodding army boy? In the next room, the muffled noises of Dawn, Giles, and Joyce’s conversation nibbled at his ears, barely comprehensible.

“Blah blah blah human blah,” he heard the Watcher say. Giles was obviously full into lecture mode. “Blah Blah--- things he’ll need, vaccines, blah, blah, mild foods, blah, medical reports blah STD’s, blah.”

Then Dawn’s voice, shrill enough to pierce walls. “Get him some clothes that are less vamp-ey. Buffy’d like him in blue.” What was the Nibblet talking about? Blue? He hadn’t worn blue since Europe.

A pause. “Blue blah blah nice on him, honey, but—“ Joyce’s spoke slowly. “Why blah blah think Buffy would care?”

Well, she must care a little, Spike thought, sniffling as a piece of Buffy’s hair tickled his nose. I wouldn’t have thought it either, but here she is. And she went to all the trouble to make me human. Like being neutered wasn’t enough. He chided himself for finding the fit of her body against his soothing as well as arousing, but didn’t move away.

“She’s totally in love with him,” Dawn said clearly.

The house fell silent, except for a rhythmic thudding noise that pulsed faster and faster.

In love with him? Spike felt his face go hot. His chest clenched as though it were a fist. The thudding noise was coming from his chest. His heart. It was his heartbeat.

“Bloody--- sodding--- hell,” Spike whispered, watching his chest. It rose and fell quickly. “I’m alive. I’m breathing!”

He ran his hands over his body, trying to remember what had happened. The scratches were from Harmony, and- he touched his face- the bruises too. “If I’d wanted a human, I’d have eaten one!” she’d yelled at him. How humiliating, he thought, to have been beaten up by *Harmony* of all creatures!

Buffy stirred against his side. He rolled away from her, trying not to wake her. Lifting his shirt, he ran his hands over the pale skin of his chest. Though he could recall the pain of burning, his skin remained unmarked. There had been burns, he was certain of it. He’d been in the old high school, in the library, and he’d been on fire. Buffy had knelt next to him and---

“Bloody hell!” he repeated, a tightening inside his abdomen breaking his concentration. “Whatever’s happening to me, I don’t like it.” He unzipped his jeans and peered inside. “Everything’s the same in there, at least.”

“I should hope so,” Buffy said sleepily, watching him. Her eyes lightened with amusement.

“Why would you care?” he retorted, covering himself.

The happiness in Buffy’s eyes faded. She looked at him, her eyes begging for him to--- what? Why was she looking at him like that? She left herself vulnerable to him as she’d never done before. He wanted to shake her, to plead for her to protect herself.

“Never mind,” she said finally, turning away from him onto her back. She laid silently for a few moments, then said, “Why were you checking on Little Spike?”

“You know why,” Spike said, his voice hard. “You turned me into a sodding human. Who knows what else you’ve changed!”

Buffy bit her lip, trying to subdue the bitter laughter that rose within her. Fingers of grief licked at her heart. He didn’t remember, obviously, that the parts in question were some of the last ones she’d change about him. Summoning the image of the other Spike for strength, she rolled back to face him.

“Yeah, I did make you human,” she said, forcing her face into a stoic mask. “You must hate me, but I had a good reason to do it.”

“A good reason?” he glared at her. “You might’ve just stuck a stake in me. Isn’t that your job?” The tightening under his jeans grew to the point of pain. He looked down at himself, askance. “Umm--- Slayer? Since you’ve taken it upon yourself to torment me with bodily functions, could you maybe tell me what the hell is happening right now? My bloody stomach feels like it’s going to burst!”

Buffy laughed. Finally, a problem she could handle. “You’ve gotta pee, Spike.”

“Pee?” He cocked his head at her. “What’s a pee?”

“Take a leak. A piss. You know, get rid of whatever you’ve been drinking.”

He glared at her. “The last thing I drank was a sweet, ‘lil college chit. Blond hair. Green eyes. Answers to the name of Chosen One.”

Hopping off the bed, Buffy opened the door and looked back at him expectantly.

Spike sighed. “Fine. You think you know all my secrets, eh pet? Yes, it was take-out night from Bob the Butcher’s. Again. But I can hope, can’t I?”

Leading him down the hallway to the bathroom, Buffy nodded. “If I can, you can,” she whispered as he shut the bathroom door in her face.

 

********************************

Some great need in me, starts to bleed

I’ve lost myself, there’s nothing left,

it’s all gone

Deep inside of you


	13. Chapter 13

It is painful to walk like a man again,

to think as a man thinks,

to eat again. All is beginning again

for the bulking ambiguous man

staggering still in the dark

of two different abysses.

*******************************

 

Closing the door to the bathroom in Buffy’s face felt very satisfying, Spike thought, but it paled in comparison to the relief he of urinating the first time in two centuries. “Right then,” he muttered, turning on the sink and washing his hands. “You can do this ‘human’ thing.” He turned off the water and was looking around for a hand towel when he caught site of a man standing in front of him. Leaping backwards in alarm, he cried out in pain as his wounded back hit the wall.

“Spike? Are you okay in there?” Buffy called from the hallway.

Spike didn’t answer. He stared intently at the face above the sink. “You bloody fool,” he said, touching his reflection in wonder. “That’s you. *Human* you.” The bleached look suited him, he thought. It brought out his eyes and gave his face a certain distinctiveness. The bruises Harmony’s attack left on his cheeks looked as ugly as they felt. Even through the swelling and discoloration Spike recognized himself, and that calmed him.

“Spike?” Buffy repeated, concern growing in her voice.

“Missed me already, did you?” he said, opening the door and giving her a smirk. He was angry at her, but he couldn’t deny that it made him happy to know she loved him.

Reassured by the smirk, Buffy smiled. He wasn’t in high spirits, and his scratches and bruises still needed to be dealt with, but he’d regained his equilibrium. This was a Spike she could deal with. “Let’s go downstairs,” she said, taking his hand. “I need to talk to Giles, and then he and I will both need to talk to you.”

“Oh, brilliant. Watcher-boy and I are best mates, you know.” he said wryly, following her down the stairs and into the living room.

Buffy stopped suddenly, her facing paling. She stared at her mother, who sat on the couch between Dawn and Giles, sipping a cup of tea. Her whole body tingled with shock. She’d known that her mother would be alive in the New World, but that didn’t make seeing her any less wrenching.

Alarmed at Buffy’s reaction, Spike instinctively put a hand on her shoulder. “Slayer?” he said in a low voice, trying not to draw attention to her. “You alright?”

“Mommy,” Buffy whispered, staring at Joyce with relief. Her mother was alive, and this time Buffy would make sure she stayed that way. She put her hand over Spike’s and gave him a small smile. “I’m fine,” she told him. “Everything’s fine.”

“Oh, there you are Buffy,” Giles said, standing. “And Spike. Well.” He walked over to Spike, scrutinizing him intently. “How do you feel?”

“Human,” Spike said shortly, glaring at him. “Quit your staring. I’m not a sodding zoo animal.”

“Of course you’re not,” Joyce said, smiling at him. She patted the couch cushion beside her. “Come and sit down. Let me take care of those scratches for you.”

Dodging Giles’ gawking eyes, Spike pulled off his shirt and sat. “They’re not so bad,” he lied, wincing as Joyce patted him with a stinging antiseptic. “She could’ve done a lot worse.”

“You’re lucky she didn’t,” Buffy said. She stood beside Giles, looking uncomfortable. “I’m surprised you’re still alive. She must’ve been almost as surprised as you were.”

“Yeah. I couldn’t explain to her what’d happened to me. What was I suppose to say? ‘Sorry, sweetings, I *thought* I was a vamp, but I guess I’m human after all’? It took me a few hours to realize you were the one who’d done this to me, Slayer. You saw me. Even if I had known what’d happened, I was in no shape to talk. If it’s been Dru in my bed instead of Harmony, I’d be a corpse right now. And not the walking kind.”

“Which brings us to the important part,” Giles said. “Buffy, how did you do this? And why?”

Buffy rubbed her face. “Come upstairs with me, Giles,” she said, giving Spike an apologetic look. “This is sort of a Slayer-Watcher conversation.”

“My favorite kind,” Spike said sarcastically, pulling his shirt back over his head with care. “Fine, I’ll wait. But Slayer---“

“I know,” she said, leading Giles out of the living room. “I’ll hurry.”

***********

Relating the story of the Old World to Giles took over an hour. She’d lost track of the number of times he’d removed his glasses and anxiously rubbed them clean. She deliberately skimmed over the worst parts- telling him about his former vampirism was necessary, but she could spare him the knowledge that he’d been tortured.

“Buffy,” Giles said quietly, then stopped, unsure of what to say.

They sat together in silence for a few minutes. Buffy could hear her mother’s voice from downstairs, asking Spike about his favorite foods. Her stomach growled with hunger, but she ignored it.

“You loved Spike,” Giles said finally, looking at his Slayer with gentle curiosity.

“Yes,” she said simply, waiting.

“He--- he was good. Redeemed of his past.”

She laughed. “I don’t think he considered himself redeemed. Or all that *good*, either. He did what he needed to, for his own reasons.”

“For his love of you.”

“At first,” she said, her eyes warming. “You should have seen how he loved me, Giles. God. I’ve never been cherished like that by anyone else. I never even thought it possible to share that sort of love. But we did, even if we only had two days together.” She touched her cheek lightly, remembering. “I guess I must’ve loved him before I died. I mean, you know how he drove me crazy, but--- we had a connection between us. I always felt it, and I know he did too, no matter how much we hurt each other. You should’ve seen the look on his face when I de-invited him from my house after he chained me up in the basement of his crypt with Drusilla.”

Giles gaped at her. “He did *what*? And you say he loved you then?”

“I know, defiantly not a happy memory. But really, it was perfectly natural for him to do something like that. He was still the same old Spike back then. Over the years, he learned more about how to act around human girls. For god’s sake, Giles, he even replaced all my make-up, just so it’d be there if I came back for it!”

“But the Spike who chained you up--- he’s the one who’s sitting downstairs right now. How do you know---“

“How do I know he’ll still love me?” Buffy bit her lip. “I don’t. Or were you going to ask how I know I love him, if I didn’t the first time around? I don’t know. But I do love him. It’s going to be hard, but I can’t give up on him. He may not love me- yet- but he does need me. Our relationship will never be what it was in the Old World, before or after my death. He’s part of me now, literally my soul mate. We share something no one else has ever shared.”

“Well, then. Right. Maybe now would be a good time to call Spike up here. I don’t know what he’ll make of all this- especially the part where he’s a Slayer.”

Buffy nodded. “I’ll go get him,” she said, standing.

“No need,” Spike said, opening the door and walking over to Buffy. The look he gave her smoldered the air between them. She’d no doubt he’d heard everything.

Blushing, she sat down again. “That makes it easier, I guess. Didn’t anyone ever tell you it’s rude to eavesdrop?”

“Course they did,” Spike said, sitting beside her. “Why would that matter to me? Oh, because I’m human now? And,” he snorted, “A Slayer, of all things? Sorry love, but it takes more then that to turn me into a nancy- boy.”

“Yes, Spike,” Giles muttered, rolling his eyes. “God forbid a small thing like humanity should give you manners.”

“What, like you’re much better. Downstairs, staring at me like I’m the second coming. That wasn’t exactly the height of politeness, you know.”

Buffy giggled. “Listen to you guys, bickering like little boys. Who’d believe that in the Old World, you were like brothers!”

“Brothers!” they exclaimed in unison, glaring at each other. Giles stood, straightening his shirt. “I think I’ll leave you two alone for now. You’ve--- ehm--- you’ve much to talk about. And I’m suddenly in great need of a brandy or ten.” He walked out the door, but paused before closing it. “Buffy. You will call me later, wont you? I have so many questions for you.”

“Of course I will,” Buffy said, and watched as the door shut. She moved to her bed and laid on her back, staring at the ceiling. There was so much she wanted to tell Spike, but she didn’t know where to start.

“Why don’t I start,” Spike said, sitting beside her. She looked at him with surprise. He shrugged. “I seem to be able to read you pretty easily now. Interesting side effect of sharing a soul, eh?”

“Doesn’t seem to work both ways,” she said, closing her eyes. “I can’t even begin to guess what you think of---“ of me, she thought. Of what you were. Of what we had. “Of everything.”

He watched her silently for a minute, then touched her hair lightly and sighed. “It makes sense, I suppose. For months now, you’ve been all I could think about. And I never did kill you, even when I could have. And then--- well, there’s the whole thing with Drusilla. How did she put it? ‘Why wont you push her away, Spike’, she said to me. ‘You’re all covered with her, she’s floating all around you’. That’s why she left me, you know.”

“No, I didn’t know that,” Buffy said, enjoying the feeling of his hand on her hair.

“I wasn’t too happy about it at the time, you understand, but she was right.” He leaned over her, close enough that she could feel his breath on her face. Tapping his head, he said, “You’re in here, Buffy. You’ve been in here for longer then you know, longer then *I* know. I’m not the vampire you loved in the Old World, but---“

“But Spike, don’t you understand? You were different then, but you were still you. And I love you, in any world.” She reached up and covered his heart with her hand. “I’ve been in your head. Do you think--- could I be in here, too?”

He put his hand on top of hers, pressing it against him. His eyes bored into hers, electric with intensity. Leaning down, he reverently brushed his lips against hers. “I think you always have been.”

 

************************************************

Ay! There is only your face to fill up the vacancy,

only your clarity pressing back on the whole of non-being,

only your love, where the dark of the world closes in.

*************************************************

 

 

“Dawn!” Joyce hissed, entering the hallway and finding her youngest pressing her ear against Buffy’s bedroom door.

Dawn jumped back guiltily. “Don’t tell me you’re not wondering what they’re doing in there,” she whispered, looking pointedly at the tray her mother carried. “Like bringing them cocoa isn’t just an excuse to spy on them.”

“Spike likes my cocoa,” Joyce said, leaving the tray in the hall and herding Dawn downstairs. “Buffy and Spike are both adults. Whatever they’ve been doing in there for-“ she checked her watch- “three hours is perfectly fine. We need to be respectful and give them space to--- to---“

“Boink like bunnies?”

“Dawn! Since when do you talk to me like that?” Joyce asked, giving her the ‘Mom’ look.

Dawn smiled. “If I say sorry, can I have their cocoa?”

 

**********

 

“Something just occurred to me, love,” Spike said, his head resting on Buffy’s naked stomach.

“Besides how much better it feels to have sex as a human?” Buffy teased, running her fingers through his hair.

“Well--- that too. There’s the whole body heat thing. Not to mention being able to focus on more then what’s under your skin.”

“Eww,” Buffy said, “Let’s not think about that part. Having undead lover did have an upside.” She tossed an empty condom wrapper onto the floor. “No life equals--- well—no new life.”

Spike looked at her nervously. “Those things do work better then they did last time I was human, right? Now that they’re not made of animal parts?”

“Defiantly,” she said, laughing at him. “Look at you. Human for less then twenty-four hours and already you’ve remembered just the way a guy is supposed to act.”

He growled at her habitually, blushing when it came out as less then monsterly. “I’ll show you the way a man’s suppose to act,” he said, climbing on top of her and pressing the length of his body against hers.

“Wait,” she said, her eyes dancing. “You were going to say something?”

“Never mind,” he muttered into her neck as he nibbled and licked the skin above her jugular. “Slayer stuff can wait till later.” He moved his head lower and nuzzled her breasts. “Much, much later.”

Gasping, Buffy dug her fingers into his shoulders. “Much, much later.”

 

***************************************

yours is the light by which my spirit’s born:

yours is the darkness of my soul’s return

\---you are my sun, my moon, and all my stars.

***************************************

The End!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here are the details of the challenge, posted by Rashaka:
> 
> Use the following passage (or one VERY close to it) as a prophecy in a fic with S/B as the main couple. The gift refers obviously to her “Gift” (i.e. heaven or death or both), Buffy is the child of light, ‘cloaked in red’ and ‘hands for death’ are symbolizing her being a Slayer/killer. The rest is all up to however you want to apply/interpret it.
> 
> *
> 
> The child of light, cloaked in red
> 
> With hands for death and eyes unread
> 
> Shall take the gift and buy it back,
> 
> And give her soul for one who lacks
> 
> When the water turns and the new blood burns
> 
> The wall from night to day will raze,
> 
> And the bridge that rises in its place
> 
> Shall be consecrated in blue and black and crimson
> 
> And the first soul-mates will be born
> 
> At the price of the world
> 
> *
> 
> Other Requirements:
> 
> 1\. The prophecy must be carried out *in full* (however you interpret it), but if you could find a way to do it without literally bringing the apocalypse thus having at least a semi-happy ending, that would be cool.
> 
> 2\. A fight between Dawn and Angel, of some kind other than verbal, and neither of them possessed by anything unnatural at the time
> 
> 3\. a sword-fight or spear-fight in a double-decker bus
> 
> 4\. at least one really fantastic S/B fight, physical and/or verbal
> 
> 5\. must be set season 5 or 6
> 
> 6\. Riley can be discussed, but is not to make any appearances, unless it’s him leaving.
> 
> 7\. someone has to have sex (preferably S/B, but optional), but can be off- screen to preserve rating
> 
> 8\. one song by Garbage, Dave Mathews Band, the Tea Party, 3rd Eye Blind, or Bush
> 
> 9\. an earring that allows a vampire to see his/her reflection but has to be put on the vampire’s ear by a human, of their own volition
> 
> 10 some kind of huge event that affects/changes/touches all the vamps in the world at once, including Spike and Angel
> 
> 11\. serious choice[s] made dealing with heavy moral issues (for example life, death, love, hate, sacrifice, gain, loss, prices that come with power/happiness, innocence, killing, soul-stuff, etc)
> 
> 12\. at least one S/B kiss
> 
> Optionals:
> 
> 1\. Spike blackmailing Buffy into giving him a manicure
> 
> 2\. a red telephone booth
> 
> 3\. a vampire bleeding to “death”
> 
> 4\. a sickness/disease/poison
> 
> 5\. a game of blind poker with something vital as the bet
> 
> 6\. a rainforest scene
> 
> 7\. an Egyptian or South American pyramid scene
> 
> 8\. flower[s], in any context
> 
> 9\. someone reading aloud from a book
> 
> 10\. little kid or someone as a little kid


End file.
